


How Do You Say 'I Love You' In German?

by Junia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Clarke, Bellamy is popular but still a nerd, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Mild Angst, Slow Burn, Tutoring, Underage Drinking, Virgin Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-13 06:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 36,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junia/pseuds/Junia
Summary: She turns around to glance back at him and arches her brow."Fine," he sighs, "I pass German and you get the whole true love ordeal before prom. Deal?"A smile emerges on her face. "Deal."-Or, the one in which Bellamy needs to pass German, Clarke wants a prom date and the obvious solution is to help each other out with a deal. Awkward high school shenanigans ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this took and turned out to be twice as long as I originally planned it out to ne, anyway. Blorke in high school because why not and don't worry, it's not that "girl gets a changeover and popular boy falls in love with her" trope. I would n e v e r write that shit. 
> 
> Thank you to my awesome Beta [Ashley](http://loveyoubeyondhope.tumblr.com/) who made sure that the nonsense I wrote was readable and helped me along the way!
> 
> The M - rated scenes will come in the following chapters!

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_x_

Clarke Griffin doesn't have a lot of friends, not in Arkadia High nor outside of it for that matter. Unless you count her cat Mrs. Kitty, but Clarke isn't really sure if she actually likes or just politely tolerates her for feeding her everyday.

So by not a lot of friends she means that she can count them on one hand. There is Wells, basically like a brother to her since birth, Riley who sometimes sits with her at Lunch and... well, okay that's about it. It's not like she is a complete loser or that the others bully her, they just like to stay out of her way and so she does the same.  She is friendly with some of the people at school, like Zoe Monroe who talks to her before she wants to know if she can copy her homework. A more common occurrence than she would have liked.

So forgive her if she finds it unnerving when Bellamy Blake, one of the popular and undeniably good looking kids one grade above her, comes to her locker after third period and flashes her a charming smile. He definitely wants something, and when Bellamy wants something from you it’s probably not something good.

"Hey," he says after she just stares dumbly at him and the way he leans casually against the lockers, back pack thrown over one shoulder.

Clarke frowns; the big, irritated frown that scares everyone off, and proceeds to put books away, waiting for him to say something. However, when he doesn't she finally turns around and fixes him with a questioning glance.

"I'm sorry is there something you want?"

"Easy, princess," he smirks and her hands clench at her sides at the nickname. Someone once called her that because her family landed on place seven of Arkadia's most influential and wealthiest people in the town's magazine and the name has stuck ever since. But She’s heard it mostly  whispered in passing since nobody really speaks _to_ her. At least, until now. Now it makes her give Bellamy a cold glare. "I just wanted to talk to you about something."

She turns her head and closes the locker shut with a loud thud.

"You are already doing that."

He smirks. _Why is he smirking?_ "Yeah, well, you know the German class I'm in? The one we both have?"

Clarke nods with narrowed eyes and crossed arms.

"I pretty much suck at it, big time." She proceeds to stare him down when he goes silent, attempting to hide her confusion where he is going with this. "And you are, like, the best in class, right?"

"I have German relatives so I'm pretty good at it, yes." An understatement since she _is_ the best in class and probably the best in fucking Arkadia High but she isn’t going to tell him that. Studying all the time because she has literally nothing else to do is nothing to brag about.

"I really need to pass this semester so that I can get the scholarship I want and that's why, um -" His hand absently rubs at the back of his neck, and it almost looks like he is nervous. "- I wanted to ask you if you could help. Help me, I mean because I really need to pass and Indra hates me."

She lets the words float through her mind for a few seconds, realizing what he is actually asking. Bellamy Blake needs _her_ help and wants her to tutor him! Clarke’s considering it before she can even stop herself, weighing the possibilities, but soon enough the rational part of her brain stops her.

Is she really willing to give up her time to tutor the popular kid who probably doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the subject beyond doing the bare minimum to pass? Clarke had heard many things about Bellamy but the two most popular topics of conversation are his love for his sister and his love for fucking. God knows how many girls (and maybe boys) he’s convinced to strip naked for him. She would guess at least 40% of the school’s population and while she’s not one for slut shaming, fucking everything with a hole can’t possibly leave him with enough time for studying. And she refuses to help if he’s just going to half ass it.   

"You really want tutoring? From me?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't," he retorts huffing out a laugh.

"What do _I_ get out of it?"

He's taken aback by this, gives her a small squint with his eyes before asking dumbly, " _You_?"

"Yes, _me_ ," she nods. "I mean you're Bellamy Blake, pretty popular and well known here and I am... a nobody. So it's only fair I get a just end of this deal, isn't it? One hand washes the other?"

"You want money?"

"No, I don't want money." Her voice sounds a little exasperated and to be honest, she is kind of annoyed he would even think that. They might call her a princess, but Clarke isn't some gold digging blonde that sees people as walking dollar bills. In fact, she couldn't care less about it and yes, she is well aware of the fact that this is because she doesn’t have to. Besides, everyone knows about Bellamy’s economic situation and it would be cruel to make him pay her in cash for her services. His family, unlike hers, is quite poor, his mother works two full time jobs from what she has heard and Bellamy does as well when he can.. He wears his status openly around his neck, doesn't hide it and perhaps that is the reason why so many people respect him around here; he's real.

"What _do_ you want then?"

Absently she looks to the other side of the hallway where a couple is standing, giggling and sharing brief kisses. A long embedded feeling swells up in her chest at the sight, longing for something she never had. When she looks back at him, the familiar smirk has returned and he gives her a knowing nod.

"You want _that,_ " he states, and Clarke makes a mental note that the boy isn't stupid. He may not always use the correct article in German or forgets entire vocabulary, but he can read people. A quality she doesn't necessarily share, but respects highly.

"I want a prom date," she corrects, voice all business. "And not just someone who wants to have a quick fuck at the first chance they get. I want something real."

"Huh," he huffs, crossing his arms before raising his brows. "You know I'm not cupid that can just snap his fingers and make love happen?"

"And I'm not a German teacher," she counters easily and gives him a plastered smile. "But here we are."

Seconds pass as he seems to think about her offer, or to be more precise her demand. It takes him a little too long, though, so she simply shakes her head and starts walking away. Clarke isn't stupid and she sure as hell won't just stand and wait there as his silence basically tells her that the job is too hard for him. If he's so good with everyone, he can surely ask someone else for help. She's about to round the corner when he calls her name and suddenly there's a hand touching her shoulder.

She turns around to glance back at him and arches her brow.

"Fine," he sighs, "I pass German and you get the whole true love ordeal before prom. Deal?"

A smile emerges on her face. "Deal."

>>>

Their first study session is on Thursday which leaves Clarke 48 hours to panic and regret her choice. It already starts when she tells Wells about it at lunch and gets one of his most scandalized looks ever in return. She has to admit her best friend can, sometimes, be a drama queen.

"Are you out of your mind?"

She snorts. "Probably."

"Then, why did you agree?" She might have left out the part where Bellamy has to provide her with a suitable prom date, but she can already hear Well's words in her head: _A relationship doesn't determine your worth, Clarke!_ And she knows, she fucking knows that but sue her. For once in her life she wants some kind of intimacy- something that lasts.

"It's just a couple of study sessions," Clarke shrugs and stabs at the plate in front of her. Cooking pasta doesn't exactly require magic and a sacrifice and yet somehow the cafeteria staff consistently manages to mess it up. "I agreed to tutor him, not to fuck him, Wells. It's not that big of a deal."

Wells apparently thinks it is, shaking his head in bewilderment. "Haven't you seen any teen movies? Tutoring -" he waves a hand. "- equals making out sessions. No one actually studies in them!"

"I think you watch too many movies," she mutters and shoves the plate away, the smell making her head ache. "Besides if he really wanted to do that, he wouldn't have agreed to find me someone until prom. And he has, you know."

And there it is, the expression she was afraid of seeing. A mix of disappointment and somehow even pity, making her insides churn and stirs up a desire to run away until all of this shit is a thousand miles behind her. Right now however, Clarke's only option is to bite down on her teeth and glare.

"Don't give me that look, Wells."

He ignores her for several unnerving beats, but to her surprise and delight, he eventually sighs and drops his gaze instead. "Fine, I won't say anything. You never listen to me anyway."

"17 years of friendship and you finally learned something," she says with a grin. "Anyway, we have this deal and it's too late to back out of it now, so might as well use it to my advantage."

"Well, have fun with him. I heard once that he had a thing with a teacher."

"God, you watch too many movies _and_ believe every shit you're told."

"And his friends call themselves the delinquents! I think that says more than enough about them."

"Bye Wells," she laughs as she gets up and takes her bag, shaking her head and walking away. It's just tutoring. No way Clarke will suddenly become a member of the so called delinquents.

>>>

Thursday comes around and she finds herself biting her nails as she sits in TonDc, the small café near the school, where they arranged to meet. It's not that she's nervous, but there is a gnawing feeling in her stomach that is begging her to stand up and leave. There is so much that could go wrong that the option seems more and more attractive with every passing second and every crazy thought that crosses her mind. What if he doesn't understand anything she explains? What if he starts laughing in the middle of it and then his friends pop up and all of this is just a big cruel prank?

"Hey," Clarke suddenly hears behind her and then he is already falling into the seat across the small round table. "Sorry, if I'm late."

"You're not." She just showed up 15 minutes too early.

"So German huh," Bellamy grins and lets out a tired sigh. "I really gotta warn you, I know friggin' zero of this shit so be prepared."

"We're in the same class, Bellamy," she reminds him with a scoff. "You are, um..."

"Complete shit?"

"Distracted." He raises a brow. "You always talk with your friends instead of actually paying attention. Maybe if you listened for once, Indra wouldn't torture you in front of the class every time."

"Maybe you're right, or maybe I'm just stupid. Either way we'll see."

And that is how they begin. Slowly. Clarke lets him tell her what he doesn't understand and what he does; the latter is unsurprisingly little. Then they start at the very beginning of the german language: articles, conjugation, and syntax, since Bellamy apparently switched off somewhere at the beginning and hasn't bothered to catch up ever since. But that's in fact good for him because with enough revision and actual apprehension of the subjects he can get it easily done before his finals. During the 40 minutes they spend doing actual work, Clarke realizes that he is in fact not stupid in this particular subject, just a bit stubborn.

However, after some time Bellamy promptly decides that they're done with the school stuff and turns to her with a devilish smirk.

"So," he says.

"So?" she echoes uncertainly. "We still have to work on that conjugation, Bellamy."

Bellamy ignores her and simply jumps straight to the point. "I never thought of you as the relationship type of girl."

Her brows furrow as she regards him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, you just never seemed like the girl who... needed someone else. More of the independent self serving kind of woman."

"Women can be independent _and_ want love," she remarks with a shake of her head.

"I didn't mean that they couldn't, it's just - you know what, nevermind." He runs a hand through the short curls before fixing her with an inquiring look. "But are you sure? That you want the whole high school romance kind of thing?"

"Why wouldn't I want it?"

"Well, it'll be your senior year and that means parties, wild summer nights, all the studying and finally you leave this town for college or whatever. Do you really wanna start a relationship during that time?"

"Oh, so I should rather be like _you_?" She raises her brows challengingly, likes the way a shadow of surprise flickers through his l brown eyes. "Fuck my way through school and get wasted every weekend?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," he basically purrs in her direction and actually fucking winks. Clarke leans a bit back, clearing her throat and looking at her hands.

"When I asked you to help me it didn't include trying to give me amateur advice, now will you do it or not?"

There's a moment of silence. She looks up and finds his eyes raking over her entire body, his gaze like an intruder to her privacy.

"Of course, I'll do it."

"Good."

"Just come to my place tomorrow at three," he tells her, already packing his things and getting up. Clarke opens her mouth to argue and ask him questions, but he shuts her up with a raised index finger. "No questions, just be there."

With no other real option left, all she can do is nod and watch him leave.

Fuck, what has she gotten herself into?

>>>

Clarke isn't exactly sure why but she spends more time in front of her closet that day than she has in the last three years. Her usual clothes: a pair of loose fitting boyfriend jeans (ironic since that's the thing she doesn't have) and some shirt she has ten examples of in different colors, irk her for some reason, so she tries to find something more... suitable. She doesn't even know what she's looking for until her hands grasp onto the soft material of a tight, black top.

When she looks at herself in the mirror she sees the same tired girl staring back. All that’s changed is the curve fitting top she's wearing. Clarke figures it's one thing to switch up her wardrobe, but something else altogether to change her whole personality and attitude that scared all of the people away in the first place.

_Stop_ , her brain tells her and she tries-- god she tries to shove these thoughts away, but there was always a small part of her that has recognized this truth; and probably always will.

This time she doesn't show up too early like some eager middle school girl waiting for her crush. In fact, Clarke makes a point of being a little too late. (That's what all the cool kids do, so she hears) However, it doesn't require a lot of effort because finding the house Bellamy lives in is slightly harder than expected.

Several vague memories of elementary school tell her that he lives somewhere near the town's mechanic, an older man with ginger hair and a ginger beard that had a baby daughter and fixed cars. A long time ago she used to go there with her father to polish their family van and chat with the man. Clarke remembers there was dark haired boy with freckles all over his skin in the garage, and one day she followed him outside and saw him run into a house at the end of the street. But that was a long time ago. The mechanic is gone with his baby girl, the carefree smile of her eight year old self is gone and so is her... yeah, so is her father.

When she finally arrives her hands and forehead are damp with sweat and she is certain that it isn't just because of the ten minutes bike ride. Clarke carefully steps off and rolls her bike into the shabby front yard, leaning it on the wall of his house. There are a few parched bushes and a big cherry tree, but apart from that it's mostly empty. Only cigarette stubs and an empty beer can gracing the unkempt lawn. All in all, it's nothing special; nothing too run-down, and definitely not too fancy.

Wells’ words echo in her head as she steps on to his wooden front porch. _Haven't you seen any teen movies?_  She has, albeit against her will, but she has. And when a nobody like her gets ordered to the popular guy's house it can only mean so many things. A few of the ideas that cross her mind are so goddamn embarrassing that Clarke's fingers jerk when she lifts them to ring the bell. _Stop thinking so much shit, Griffin_.

It's silent for a few minutes, and then the door opens and a gorgeous brunette is staring at her. Her cheekbones are set just as high as Bellamy's, but her skin tone is lighter and the color of her eyes resemble an emerald gemstone instead of honey dripping into a pool of liquid chestnut. This must be Octavia, the downright infamous treasure of Bellamy Blake.

"Hi," Clarke stutters out after being silent far too long. "I - I'm Clarke, I'm here -"

"I know who you are," Octavia says quickly before a playful smirk settles on her face and she holds the door open, nodding to Clarke to come inside. "Duh, we're at the same school, Clarke."

"Of course, I just.. I don't know. You're Octavia, right?"

"That's me," she smiles and starts walking towards to the kitchen without waiting. Clarke hastily takes her shoes off and hurries after her. "Bellamy! The girl's here," Octavia shouts upstairs and a few second later there is a sound of something falling, and then she can hear him trotting down the stairs. When he finally emerges there is a look on his face, the same one his sister has and it definitely doesn't still her worries. In fact, it only intensifies them.

"What's up, Clarke," he greets. "I figure you met Octavia?"

She nods, fingers gripping the waistband of her jeans. The two siblings’ gazes make her want to shrink into an ant and disappear in a drain, become one with the trash because ultimately that's where she belongs.

"So first of all I'm glad you showed up," Bellamy finally says after a moment. A twisted knot forms in her throat and suddenly she feels like she can't take it anymore, so she nervously blurts out,

"This is not going to be, like, where you two change the way I look and do my make up so that I look better somehow, is it?"

"What, no," he huffs and shakes his head. "This isn’t _Cinderella_ , princess."

"Besides, you look just fine to me," his sister adds.

Bellamy agrees with a firm nod. It makes her frown, but she lets out a sigh of relief. At least, they aren't going to do _that_. "Really?"

"Totally." Octavia steps a little closer and runs her thin fingers through her waves. "I mean look at you: blonde, cute and -" she takes no shame in gazing down at her cleavage, and gesturing to it. "- you've got quite the hakuna matatas there."

Clarke's eyes go wide in embarrassment and her cheeks gain a flushed red color. It's not like she didn't know that she is above average in that section but for it to be pointed out so bluntly and with Bellamy right there? It makes her feel uncomfortable in more ways than one. Bellamy apparently notices it because his constantly present smirk disappears and an annoyed expression replaces it, eyeing his sister pointedly.

"O' -"

"Sorry," the girl already agrees with a grin and steps back, her hand in the air. "Boundaries, yes. I just wanted to say there's nothin' wrong with the way you look."

The siblings exchange a strange look, that Clarke isn’t able to read, and then they look back at her. They settle this whole weird thing into their kitchen where Clarke sits down on a chair next to Octavia while Bellamy remains standing, leaning against a counter and studying her with a focused face. It seriously weirds her out and she snaps, again.

"Are you guys going to tell me why am I actually here? Because I have a paper that is due next week and probably tons of homework -"

"Okay, that?" Bellamy gives her a look. "Drop that right now. It's Friday for fucks sake, on Friday school doesn't exist."

"Yeah! School, what school?"

"See, Octavia is doing it right."

"Excuse me, but aren't _you_ the one who is currently failing German and asked me to help?"

"Ohhh, princess got attitude," Octavia snickers from her side and for a second Clarke thinks that she majorly fucked up but then: "I like it!"

"Yes, Clarke, but we're here right now to fulfill _your_ end of the deal," his slightly irritated voice tells her and she scowls. "Or are you suddenly not interested anymore?"

While she searches for an answer a thought goes through her head. How much exactly does his sister know about their deal? When Clarke first made the deal she did so in a moment of bravery and with adrenaline rushing through her veins. More importantly she only told Bellamy never once thinking he would share it with anyone else. But here they are the three of them sitting in his kitchen together, Clarke unsure of how she feels about Octavia knowing the whole thruth.

"I am," she eventually replies. "But so far all we've done is sit here."

"Relax, we're getting to it."

She lets out a long breath.

"That's why I am here," Octavia suddenly chirps in and shares a wide smile. "So Clarke. You have any special type? Tall guys, short guys? Jocks? Or maybe do you want a fellow nerd, someone to geek over the chemistry homework with?" Despite the implied jab at her nerdiness, Clarke lets out a short laugh because her effort is cute.

"I'm bi, actually," she says slowly, hesitant about sharing this with people she’s talking to for the first time. "So you might include girls into this - er, list, or whatever."

"Noted," the girl smirks and writes something down. "That actually increases the chances of finding your one true love, Clarke."

"And to my type..." A self conscious feeling settles in her stomach, her gaze dropping to her hands as they fumble around with a hair tie. "I don't know, I'm really not that picky -" Her rambling is thankfully interrupted by a loud, catchy song blaring through the room and Octavia apologizes quickly before picking up and leaving the room. Bellamy and her are on their own now - which wouldn't bother her that much, since she made this arrangement with him in the first place, but she was just about share a very intimate and vulnerable part of her life and she kind of doesn't want to that anymore. Or ever again. To her horror, he sits down across from her and takes the sheet of paper that Octavia left.

"So, you were saying princess?"

Clarke gulps heavily, bites her lip until a bitter taste of iron seeps into her mouth. "I'm, uh - I don't have a type. I'm not that kind of person."

"Well, if you insist then we'll leave it at girls and boys." He lifts his gaze and looks into her eye. "However, it would make things a hell lot easier if you just said what you like so that we don't pick the wrong people for you, you know?"

"I don't know," she sighs, staring at her feet. "They should be nice? Not some kind of bullies?"

"Very specific," Bellamy mutters and shakes his head, letting the paper fall on the table. "That leaves about 99% of the teens in Arkadia and basically the world."

" _Sorry_."

"No need, we'll just have to stick to plan B."

"Plan B?" she echoes, raising a brow at him which he returns with a sly grin that she doesn't favor at all.

"You heard right. Plan fucking B. We're gonna show you to the world, introduce you to a few people and from that moment it's basically a piece of cake to get you laid."

Clarke doesn't even know where to start. The fact that he wants her to be sociable, even though it already took her entire strength to come here today; the way he thinks it will be easy, or that he believes, she just wants to have sex with someone. It's very overwhelming to choose only one thing she can criticize, but in the end she settles for the first matter because it makes her sick inside, already.

"Introduce me to people? Bellamy, I don't -"

"Too late to back out now. The group is gonna be here in an hour, so... relax and watch tv before the big show starts."

An hour seems like plenty enough time to hop on her bike and speed home into her bed, thank you very much. Her head is shaking wildly as she searches for words that could even roughly explain her mental state of mind.

"I think I'd rather go home."

Bellamy shoots her a confused look. "Why?"

"Because," she starts saying slowly, desperation tingling in her voice. "Because I'm Clarke Griffin and you're Bellamy Blake with your cool friends. Because I have no place to be here and I'm sure nobody will miss me anyway."

"Clarke, they're normal people like you and me. We don't give a fuck if you're somehow popular or some shit," he tells her with a big frown on his face and a surprisingly honest expression. Clarke almost wants to believe it. Then: "Besides how am I supposed to get you a freaking prom date if you don't let me?"

A tiny shrug.

"I mean, you have apparently no type at all and now you don't even wanna meet new people, but that's exactly how you find someone, princess."

The tiny scrap of hope that she had in this arrangement shatters into tiny pieces as she realizes that he's right. He's right that she makes it harder than it is and he's right that all of this is stupid if she isn't willing to cooperate. But he doesn't understand what goes on inside her head and he probably never will, so Clarke bites down on her teeth and clenches her fist under her table.

"You're right, it's stupid," she nods tightly. "Actually, this whole idea was imbecile. Let's just forget this whole thing, okay?" He gives her a puzzled look and she forces herself to look away, because for a series of moments she actually believed that this would work. "You don't - you don't need to find me a date. But I'll still help you with German, of course." With that she practically jumps out of her seat and scurries away. She hears him call her name behind her but it doesn't make her stop. Clarke jumps on her bike and pedals as fast as her feet can manage.

>>>

Her weekend is spent writing the paper for english class and purposely avoiding thinking about what would have happened if she hadn't run away like a coward.

>>>

When Monday comes around Clarke forces herself out of bed and goes to school, managing to fade out in the crowded hallways by keeping her gaze trained on the ground. That is, until she heads for her locker before lunch and finds a mop of black curls waiting for her which is weird because his locker is entirely somewhere else.

_He probably just wants to arrange the next study session_ , she reassures herself and starts walking towards it. However, she can't help the vivid images of Bellamy and the whole school laughing at her pop up. For being such a weird kid. For running away like that.

_Fucking stop._

"Clarke," his voice suddenly comes through and she snaps out of it, finally looking at him. Bellamy's face is relaxed, an easy expression playing on his features.

"Hi." Clarke is determined not to say too much ever again, so she turns her side to him and opens her locker.

"You free this afternoon?"

"Sure," she manages to say with an even voice. "TonDc again?"

"Yeah. Four all right?"

Giving him a short nod, she shuts the metal door of her locker and starts walking away, thinking that their conversation is over. But for some reason unknown to her, Bellamy thinks otherwise and actually walks next to her. It’s irritating and she stops abruptly, making him almost run into her back.

"Bellamy," Clarke snaps and stares at him with a pointed look.

"Are you still free after our German lesson?" He wants to know instead of explaining himself. "Say, around seven?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Will you just answer, geez?"

She bites down on her teeth at the way he looks at her with exasperation in his eyes, but somehow finds herself nodding anyway.

"Good! So you'll surely want to come to the theatre thing tonight, right?"

The word theatre makes something click in her mind. Ah, of course, tomorrow evening is the grand performance of the sophomores and seniors. So why the hell would she come tonight, and even more importantly: why is he asking her?

Friday slips into her memories and she nods inwardly. Obviously.

"Is this about introducing me to people again, Bellamy?"

”No,“ he replies, drawing the word out before giving in with a sigh. ”Fine, what if it is? Why are you suddenly against it?“

”I told you I don't want this anymore,“ she says, shaking her head.

”Did you find a prom date in the last three days?“

She gives him a stupid look. ”No.“

”Then my job still isn't done which means -“

”Bellamy, stop!“

Finally, his words come to an halt and an uncomfortable silence wraps around Clarke's throat, makes her choke on it. For a few moments she doesn't know what to say, _how_ to say something, so she just stands there, staring him down with a frown.

”I know this was my idea in the first place,“ she eventually says, voice quiet. ”And I am thankful that you want to help, but you can't. You can't help me.“ She already starts turning around when his voice rasps through the overcrowded hallway.

”Wait.“

Glancing over her shoulder, she gives him a raised brow.

”Sit with us at lunch?“

Her heart clenches as old wishes and dreams crawl out of the hidden, darker corners of her mind. But she presses out pathetic words and shakes her head. ”No, thank you.“

Clarke doesn't tell Wells about anything that has happened, and he doesn't ask either. They just eat the lumpy potato mash and express their lack of enthusiasm for the next charity gala they have to attend this weekend. All the while she can feel an intent gaze trained on her back the entire time. She doesn't look.

>>>

”I can't do this,“ Bellamy tells her, followed by a dramatic sigh. ”This isn't vocabulary, this is torture!“

She just gives him a blank look and shrugs. ”If you actually focus on learning the words, maybe you wouldn't have so many difficulties knowing them.“

”I am fucking focusing, thank you very much.“ He runs a hand through his messy curls so that they stick out into every direction. Somehow she finds it suits him.

”Yet you still don't know them,“ Clarke remarks dryly.

”That's because they are freaking dumb and impossible to remember, I mean why Flugzeug, huh? Why not something like airplane, like in every other normal language?“

She finally gives up on believing that learning vocabulary doesn't need explaining or any help since it's just simple memorization, because apparently this concept doesn't apply to the German language. Clarke has to admit however, that sometimes the words are truly weird and maybe that's what scares so many people off, but she herself has always found it easy to memorize them. You just have to find a liking in it.

”Think about the history, the origin of the words. Every word, every single syllable and letter combination has history that not everyone knows or understands. But you can because that’s your area of expertise.” Both of their eyes widen at the fact that she let slip she had been paying attention to him, but Clarke pushes on ignoring the red flush coming to her cheeks. “For instance others will hear Flugzeug and frown, but you will hear it and instantly know that it means airplane, consisting of the words ’Flight’ and ’Thing’. It's constructed like everything else in the world.“ When she's done it's silent for a moment as Bellamy tilts his head and stares at her with a mixture of awe and curiosity.

”Huh, that could help,“ he says finally with surprise in his voice while glancing back down at the open book. Then Bellamy lifts his gaze once more and looks at her with the same awe in his eyes. ”Like when someone mentions Appollo and then Cassandra, it doesn't tell them anything, but if it's Appollo and Cassandra they think about the trojan horse.“

Perhaps Appollo and Cassandra's involvement in the trojan horse isn’t common knowledge to _everyone_ but she doesn’t want to discourage him. It’s about _him_ and _his_ understanding, after all. ”Exactly,“ she nods and something inside her dares to give him a bashful smile.

”I have to remember that the next time I try to learn them.“

”Do that. So now that you've got that down, what is ‘to make’ in German?“

”Machen,“ he replies easily. It is right.

”Build a sentence with it,“ Clarke orders, making sure that not just the word but it's conjugation sticks. ”Remember the alignment.“

Bellamy nods and stares down at a point behind her somewhere.

”Was...machst du heute?“

It's a question, but a correct sentence nonetheless so she smiles proudly, leans back into the hard chair of TonDC and starts looking for the next vocabulary to ask him. ”Okay so how about -“

”It was a question,“ he interrupts, meeting her surprised gaze with a mischievous grin that she has learned to fear. ”Usually, you answer.“

The phrase translates to _what are you doing today,_ which means that he is asking her, and now she is sighing again. Their conversation in the school hallway was four days and two study sessions ago, and during that time he didn't mention it again, which she was grateful for. She actually thought that, despite his apparent enthusiasm, he was probably relieved, too. After all, who the hell would enjoy trying to find a potential partner for the weird kid in school? But now – now he is back on this topic, asking her and Clarke doesn't know if she should be annoyed, or actually alleviated because it must mean something, right?

„I have to attend this charity with my mom,“ she answers honestly and absently scratches her chin.

„Pity,“ he murmurs before giving her a teasing smile. „I almost wanted to invite you to something you could refuse to go to again.“

„Yes, pity.“ And for a second it almost sounds like she's actually sad about that. Almost.

>>>

The evening turns out to be even worse than expected, and that has to mean something because Clarke is adept at making up worst case scenarios. It starts with her mother being in an impossible, petulant mood which means her every movement and word is being thoroughly criticized. Then Thelonious Jaha tells her that Wells unfortunately couldn't make it due to a sudden fever so she has to press out fake smiles and endure talking to old, white men all on her own. And finally, her mom decides that it's the perfect opportunity to introduce Clarke to some rich surgeons and professors at med school. After all, following in her footsteps career wise is the only thing that she has in store for her future, right?

In the end the pressing urge to cry overwhelms her and she rushes out of the building, walking until Clarke feels she is far enough from superficial conversations and the capitalistic idiocy the council in Arkadia stands for. Then the tears finally start falling silently and she lets them for a moment. Fortunately, this has happened often enough for her to know how to cry without smearing her mascara and ending up with a red, puffy face. Just like every other thing in her thing, Clarke does this quietly and efficiently.

After a few minutes, she takes a breath and looks back. The building is hidden by an endlessly long avenue with big trees and freshly painted benches. She has heard that the youth likes to gather here and drink and do the all the stuff that young, reckless people do nowadays. Of course, she can't possibly know for sure since she doesn't belong, but it looks like a suitable place to do that. A lot of sitting accommodations and a perfectly neat city hall standing right in front of it to which they can rub the boiling rebellion in their blood in it’s face.

The same rebellion that makes Clarke carefully sit down on a lone bench and start rummaging around in her small clutch that is able to contain more than they eye catches. When she finds what she is looking for, she smiles to herself. A lovely spliff is sitting in her hand, waiting to be smoked.

She clicks the lighter with the bud in her mouth and lifts it to her face until it lights up, and she feels the quaint taste filling her lungs. It's probably a little much to smoke right in front of the building where her mother and all the other important faces are: it's definitely daring. However, Clarke also knows that her mother would never, even if she was worried, leave her precious people and guests alone. So she takes another unimpressed drag, enjoying the rush of adrenaline because there are people in the park and it's very in public and she's still a minor – and all of that makes something flare up inside her.

That changes abruptly when she feels a sudden presence behind her, a radiating warmth leaning down her neck. For a split second, she thinks that her mother sent someone to look for her or an old family friend coincidentally saw her, and she imagines the disappointed look in her mom's face for the next two months. What actually happens instead, though, is a familiar deep voice cracking through the air.

”I didn't know you smoke, princess.“

A lot of emotion stir up in her stomach when she hears him, a mix of relief and annoyance, but then again a sudden wave of joy and excitement. It's Bellamy Blake and he's standing behind her, his words making goosebumps run along her neck due to the proximity to her skin.

”Fuck Bellamy!“ she still yells and turns around to shoot him a couple of death glares. ”What are you doing here?“

”I should be asking _you_ that,“ he replies, smirking broadly and nodding to the joint in her hand. ”Having a casual smoke in that pretty dress of yours, not what I expected you to be doing tonight.“

Her gaze briefly flickers down to her dress. It's tight and fitting, going slightly over her knees and yes, it must be a sight to be seen like that with a bud in her hand. However, she just huffs out an annoyed breath and turns back to staring at silent trees draped in shadows. ”What I do is actually none of your business, by the way.“

”You're cute trying to act all tough,“ he says before quickly jumping around the bench and landing in the seat next to her. ”But seriously, what are you doing?“

She considers lying and telling him something different than what has truly motivated her to leave the party, but in the end can’t be bothered to lie. ”The people there are stupid and only fixed on making money. I couldn't stand being around them anymore.“

”Fair enough,“ Bellamy says with a nod.

”So, _you_?“

”Me?“

”Yeah, what are you doing here? How big of a coincidence can it be that I tell you about the charity gala tonight and suddenly you show up here?“

”Princess,“ he laughs and shakes his head. ”I believe you think too much of me, this here is a common place to hang out with your friends, you know.“

”No, I don't,“ she grumbles, taking another drag and inhaling the smoke before letting it out.

”You would if you actually came along for once."

Clarke sighs heavily and musters him from her side, the constantly-present frisky look glistening in his brown eyes and yet there is also an underlying honesty in them. She somehow wants to explain that agreeing to meet new people won't help her. Nothing ever has. After all, how did she go through 17 years of her life without ever meeting someone that liked her or found interest in her? It has to mean that she is just... broken somewhere, and that stays forever.

"I wouldn't fit in," she bites out eventually, avoiding his gaze and staring at the small twinkle of orange fire in the darkness.

"That's what _you_ say," he argues before bumping his shoulder into her. It takes her by surprise and she almost gawks up at him for a few beats. "Octavia likes you."

She lets out a loud snort, finally having recovered from the feel of his warm skin. "We literally talked for five minutes."

"But she has a good sense of reading humans and so do I by the way." His voice finds a softer tone. "And I think you're pretty decent, too."

The words echo in her head, and it takes several deep breaths and a shake of the head to make the sound of it go away. It is Bellamy Blake and he is good at charming people, that’s what it is and nothing more.

"I'm just your project," Clarke says and stumps the stub out on the ground before standing up with a cold look. "You just want to feel better by helping the weird girl find some friends and maybe I should be thankful for your generosity and yeah, maybe it's all my fault in the first place but I don't. Need. Your. Help. Got it?"

Bellamy has no time to answer because someone calls his name from a few park benches away and he stands up as well, running a hand through his hair.

"You're a lot to handle, princess. Somebody ever told you that?"

She glowers at him. "I don't need somebody to tell me that."

He grins but shakes his head. "Anyway, my friends already miss me, but lucky for me you have to go into the same direction if you want to return to that charity gala."

It's true and while she hates it, he is right and Clarke isn't particularly fond of the idea of staying here alone or taking an unnecessary circuit. "Sadly," she simply remarks.

"So at least you can say hi to Octavia."

They start walking and she frowns at nothing in particular, just the long path in front of her. "You go drinking with your sixteen year old sister?"

"Hey, it's better to be there when she’s drunk than her doing it alone with some stupid freshmen that only want to be cool." And somehow, he is right again. It's definitely more responsible than the alternative, but she doesn't respond, only nods. Clarke is not interested in making conversation with him now. Apparently though, he is.

"So you smoke," he correctly assesses and she has to snort.

"That is what I did, yes."

"How come?"

"That I smoke?"

"No, that you date John Cena," he deadpans, rolling his eyes. (She has to fight the smile that wants to emerge on her lips.)

"I don't know, I guess it just helps me to relax," Clarke answers. It's not the whole truth since she has actually started smoking weed after reading on tumblr that it helps with anxiety attacks. Lo and behold, it has truly helped to ease them for the last six months, but she doesn't tell Bellamy. It's not like he would be interested in the sappy backstory anyway.

The sound of music gradually becomes louder and louder until she is facing a group of people that she can't properly see because it's murky outside. What she does still notice through the trail of light that the moon illuminates is a few bottles of booze, plastic cups and a music box. Oh, and lots and lots of cigarettes spread around the whole place. Bellamy's friends don't notice their presence immediately, distracted by various conversations and a make out session by two boys somewhere under a tree.

"Geez, are they really making out right now?" Bellamy asks, not caring to introduce her (which she doesn't mind at all), gesturing to the pair in the distance.

"Yeah they're grossly affectionate," a girl with a high pony tail retorts in a slurred voice while she attempts to stand up from the bench and fails doing so. "God, I need water _asap_."

Bellamy huffs out a laugh but immediately kneels down to go through a backpack, and after he finds a water bottle he hands it to her, his palm steadying her by the shoulder. Clarke is still frozen on the spot in the meanwhile, imagining what would happen if she just left here and now. Suddenly the girl squints her eyes and shrieks excitedly.

"AH, Bellamy you're back! Where have you been?"

"With a friend," he replies shortly. "Here, drink the water, Raven."

"Clarke?"

She spins around with a thundering heart to find Octavia looking at her with a smile. Before she can register what is happening, the girl has already wrapped her up in a hug, taking her completely by surprise. _Why is she hugging me?_ Did Bellamy actually mean what he said? That people actually... like her? "Hey, Octavia," she stutters out and gives her a flustered smile after she steps back.

"Hey guys!" Octavia yells and two seconds later two boys come to stand in front of her. One of them has goggles on his forehead and even though Clarke thinks it's strange, he looks friendly enough.Clarke also thinks that she recognizes him from one of her chemistry classes. The other one isn't smiling as dopely, just gives her an unimpressed look and takes a drag of his cigarette. "This is Clarke," Bellamy's sister introduces and shares a wide grin. "She's the one tutoring Bell in German."

"Fascinating," one mutters at the same time as the kid with the goggles says, "Ohhh, the German prof!"

_German prof?_ She is merely helping him to not fail the class.

"Don't listen to Murphy, he's a dick," Octavia tells her with an eye roll and then nods over to the other one. "That's Jasper."

"Yep, me, I'm Jasper. Hi Clarke."

"Hey," Clarke awkwardly says and makes this half smile, half I-don't-know-what-to-say face.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" the guy, Murphy, asks bluntly and arches an eyebrow.

"I, uh, I was actually at the charity event. Just went outside to get some fresh air."

"You look like a snack, Clarke," Octavia tells her with a wink and an intensive red blush colors her cheeks.

"Uh thanks Octavia."

There is a loud noise behind them and the three friends arch their necks to see what is going on. There is a new arrival and two girls, emerge from the bushes. They are giggling and holding wine bottles in their hands.

"That's Lexa and Luna," the brunette informs her in a hushed voice and shoots her a mischievous look. "Luna's off limits because Raven has a crush on her. As for Lexa, the one with the long brown hair... you can have a go."

A panicked expression makes it's way onto Clarke's face and she throws her a horrified glance. She's already stammering before the words even come out. "I - uh, I can't just - I have to go back, you know!" To think that she would just go up to the girl and start flirting with her or something like that... She is gorgeous and appears to be nice, but Clarke never flirted with anybody in her life and would fail at it. She would make herself an embarrassment in front of everybody. Besides, she has heard a couple of things about Lexa. Wells once told her that she is called the Commander due to being head of the debate society at Arkadia high, an  _excellent_ head, and top of that she's the daughter of the local priest. She is convinced that Lexa prefers someone more extraordinary than... Clarke Griffin, good at German and petting her cat.

"Relax, I meant somewhere in the near future not now," Octavia giggles and then elbows her.. "All you need to do is get crazy drunk, show off your boobies and off you go!"

"O'," Bellamy's voice suddenly comes barking out behind them before he’s standing next to Clarke. "Were you talking about her cleavage again?"

"God, you people are such prudes," his sister whines with an eye roll and then walks over to her other friends.

"Did she overstep again?"

"She told me to have a go at Lexa," Clarke blurts out and sends him a wide-eyed look.

Bellamy makes a face like he's considering the possibility. "Lexa takes some time to warm up to somebody so -" he halts for a moment, his brows furrowing. "- wait, actually you two could actually fit together. Both of you seem to have a stick up your ass from time to time."

"Wow," she grits out with a glare. "Very helpful, Bellamy."

"What? I'm just saying!"

"I need to go," she sighs after a few moments. This whole encounter with the infamous delinquents has actually been less horrible than she imagined. That may also have something to do with the fact that the group is drunk. Or the THC that flows through her system.

"Come on, five more minutes?" Bellamy asks with a dramatic pout that makes him look like an adorable puppy. ( _Oh god, Griffin._ ) "You've been absent for so long, nobody will notice if you stay here a little longer."

For some reason she is already convinced and finds herself nodding with a sigh. "Fine."

"The people here aren't so bad, huh?"

"No, they aren't," she admits in a low tone.

"So, you will say yes next time I ask you?"

Clarke gathers the courage to look him directly in the eye as she thinks about it. Does she want to agree right now? Yes. Will that change when she actually has to do it? It's likely. " Maybe," she mumbles, but he gives her a firm look and she sighs. "Okay, yes. I will try not say no.”

"That's what I like to hear." Bellamy is grinning and she would lie if she said it didn't made her heart flutter once or twice. For some reason he's excited. Strangely enough, she is too.

The moment is interrupted by a girl's voice coming from behind them. It's the one from earlier, Raven, she notes. "Bellamy!"

"Raven!"

"As of now we have to snap more often," she declares. "And you have to snap me back for fuck's sake!"

"I do snap you back," Bellamy tries to say but Raven is having none of it as she shuts him up with a glare.

"Once a month doesn't count, Blake. I know you!"

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "The app's stupid."

"You're stupid," Raven shoots back with a raised finger and Clarke feels like she wants to jump in on the conversation. She wants to add something, so she does.

"Hey, it has the flower crown filter so saying that it's stupid is unfair."

His head snaps to her and he pins her down with an offended face. "What, you're on her side now?"

"Of course she is, I'm awesome," Raven states with furrowed brows like it's the most obvious thing in the world. In fact, the confidence convinces Clarke to believe her. Raven _is_ kind of awesome.

"It's what you deserve," Clarke says with an innocent smile directed at him.

The other girl gasps in delight and grasps her shoulder. "Oh damn, I like her! Who is she, Bellamy? Can you please keep her?"

_Can you please keep her?_ There are several problems that she could point out right now, one of them that she sure as hell isn't a possession. However, the only thing that her body does is fill her with excitement as she starts feeling something stir in her stomach. Because Raven implied that Bellamy and her were... Clarke shakes her head inwardly and discards the thought. A thing between them is as impossible as licking your elbow. It's crazy, as if Bellamy would ever view her like that. But it's already too late and her mind wanders to all the forbidden places. She wishes she could punch herself.

What comes out of Bellamy is exactly the opposite of her chaotic mind.

"Name's Clarke," he replies with a smirk. "And I dunno Raven, you have to ask her. Can I keep you, princess?"

Her mouth flies open in outrage and she can't help but slap his chest lightly .

"God Bellamy, you're a diiiiick," Raven slurs and shakes her head. "Anyway peasants, back to the important things. I made a bet with Murphy that I can reach a 50.000 snap score faster than him because I mean -" she waves a hand to her face. "- look at me. So y'all have to endure my spam from now on. And snap back! And don't snap Murphy!"

"Murphy will kill me if I agree."

"So will I if you don't," she counters with narrowed eyes, lifting her arm and flexing. It's dark and Clarke doesn't know these people but she is pretty sure that this girl could beat the scrawny boy from earlier. If it was her she would pick Raven.

"Fine whatever," he relents after enough time looking at her biceps and coming to the same realization.

A proud smile forms on the Latina's face and then she shoots a quizzical look to Clarke. "You too," she demands.

"I, uh, I don't even have you on Snapchat."

"Time to change that." Raven smirks even wider and fishes her phone out of her pocket, holding it to Clarke. "Here add me. We're gonna become besties."

So Clarke does as she's told before giving her the phone back. She notices Bellamy gazing at her with an amused expression, but shakes it off as him being happy that she's making friends. It doesn't matter anyway because it's getting late and she has to go for good this time. Or else, there will be no one to snap to because her mother will rip her head off.

"I should head back now," she says and gives him a look. He nods.

"You want me to go with you?"

It's like in the movies: boy brings the girl home, they talk and have a romantic kiss in the end. Only this is not a movie and she isn't exactly going home so she shakes her head and smiles. "It's fine, the city hall is right there."

"Well then," he says and waggles his eyebrows. "I'll see you around, princess."

Clarke gives the pair one last look before making her way to the stupid charity gala, reflecting on the last hour. "Don't forget to snap me, Clara!" she hears Raven shout in the distance.

_It's good_ , she thinks to herself on the way back.  _It's good, right?_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Clarke wakes up to two snaps from Wells and Raven. When she opens the one from Wells it's only a picture of him in his bed, saying "being sick is the worst". The one, or rather the 20 snaps, from Raven are a mix of complete darkness and texts like "I will win this bet Murphmit and u cant stop me !" and blurred selfies with her friends. Clarke has to hide a smile at a picture of Raven and Bellamy who is glaring at the camera. It's pathetic.

But she goes on with her usual Saturday without further snaps. She has fried eggs and toast for breakfast and she thanks the god above that her mother is already at work. The woman wasn't too happy with her when she returned yesterday, almost causing a scene in front of all the people. Apparently, she was worried about her daughter's absence. And yet, not enough to go look for her.  

After breakfast Clarke climbs onto her bed and puts on Orphan Black on Netflix. That's when her phone buzzes. It's a snap from Raven.

For a few minutes she just lets it sit there. After all, opening the snap right the second is a bit awkward, and Clarke doesn't want Raven to think that of her. But after another five minutes, the curiosity gets a hold of her and she clicks on the red square. It’s a photo of her with a funny filter and a text that says: "My head hurts lmao," and then: "Wait, I saved u as clark but I don't remember who u are lol do I know u?"

She gulps, but starts typing her reply: "I'm kinda tutoring Bellamy and we met last night. You made this bet and demanded that we become snapchat besties."

Clarke returns to watching her tv show, but after ten minutes she gets another snap from the girl. "Wait u are Clarke? Aka the german teacher Clarke?"

"I hardly qualify as a teacher, but yes I think I am?"

"Oh cool I'm sorry I don't remember much but I think I drank a lil too much yesterday."

"It's not a big deal."

And that's about it, she thinks. Raven found out who she is and why she has added her on snapchat and Clarke didn't make a fool of herself just yet. Everything seems to be fine for once. She watches another three episodes until her stomach growls and she realizes that it's way past lunch time.

When she dances around the kitchen, trying to make something edible without burning the place down her phone buzzes again. Before she opens it, Clarke microwaves the sandwich she has made and sits down with the plate in front of her. Raven has sent two snaps, one of them is a picture of Bellamy who is sitting on the couch with a frown and the text says "He's mad at me bc I keep taking pics of his stupid face." The other is a simple text, or rather a question: "Hey Griffin, do you wanna come to the blakes house tonight? Watch a movie or smth with us"

She swallows and considers the offer. They were nice yesterday, and perhaps she would even have a good time if she said yes but - no buts. _You promised him yesterday. Get over yourself._ When she she starts typing however, her phone suddenly starts buzzing all over again, only it's a phone call this time. From Raven. Clarke frowns, but picks up nonetheless.

"Hey," she says, her voice rising at the end and making it sound like a question instead of a confident greeting. How would it, she has no confidence in these social things.

"Clarke," Raven almost shouts on the other side and she has to jerk her phone away a bit. "Bellamy said you are already looking for excuses not to come, so we decided to call you to make it harder to say no."

There's another unintelligible noise in the background.

"Actually I wanted to -" she starts but they interrupt her before she can even finish her sentence.

"Princess, you said you would agree next time," Bellamy's voice comes through the phone, Raven chuckles next to him (or that's what it sounds like).

"I don't know what you did or did not say because I was too smashed but -"

"Nobody cares, Reyes."

"Shut up, Blake. Anyway, but I still think you should come. We're awesome. And I think Bellamy owes you a few beers for you having to endure his stupidity." Now it sounds like Bellamy is huffing out an annoyed breath.

"Hey," Clarke says loudly before they start a fight and she doesn't get to share the news. "I'll come. If it's okay."

There's a moment of silence, her heart beating loudly in her ears.

"Really?" It's Bellamy who asks this and she represses a laugh as she imagines how dazzled he must look right now. He didn't expect her to say yes.

"Yes, really," she confirms and grips her phone. "When should I be there? And should I bring something?"

"No, no, just you is enough," he says. "Around eight, that okay?"

"Sure."

"Well, see you here then..."

"Yeah, see you later Clarke," Raven adds in at last.

>>>

Clarke looks down at herself one more time before ringing the bell with a thundering heart. Like the last time she was here, it takes a couple of moments until someone opens. One minute to be precise she notes as she checks the watch on her wrist. And then the door is being swung open and Bellamy's grinning face greets her.

She has to take a deep breath before giving him a shy smile and croaking out, "Hey."

"Clarke," he says and gestures for her to come in. "I'm glad you could actually make it this time."

"Believe me, I'm surprised too," she retorts with a gulp as she carefully takes off her shoes.

"Not everyone's here yet but O', Raven and Jasper are here."

"Cool. Raven seems nice."

"She's a cocky asshole but pretty fun to be around, I guess," he laughs as he leads her through the house and to his backyard like it seems.

"So are you," Clarke retorts with the shadow of a smirk. He shoots her a quizzical look. "A cocky asshole, I mean," she explains, shrugging. "Not the fun to be around part."

"Ah, so that's why you came here today, to _my_ house that _I_ asked you to come to, because I'm not fun to be around?"

"Shut up."

He slides the big glass doors to the side and steps outside where the three teens he mentioned are sitting on white plastic chairs, engaged in a heated discussion by the looks of it. Their heads whip around when she and Bellamy join them at the table and she offers everyone a polite smile.

"Hey, guys."

"Okay, serious question," Raven starts without a greeting whatsoever. "Winter soldier or Civil war?"

Her brows furrow as all eyes are trained on her and Bellamy, and she tries to come up with an explanation why these people would talk about the american civil war or a soldier... in winter?

"Easy," Bellamy scoffs. "Winter Soldier, by worlds."

"See?" Raven exclaims with her hands in the air. "Sorry but winter soldier is and will always best the best movie in the entire MCU."

MCU? Okay, now she is confused.

"You two are so stubborn." Octavia shakes her head before crossing her arms. "I personally preferred Civil war, simply because it had a much deeper story."

"And the cast was great," Jasper adds in with a self assured nod. "I mean, avengers 3.0? Hell yeah, count me in for that shit, always."

Avengers, finally something rings a bell in her head. She figures they are talking about these comic movies or something like that. Since she has never seen any of those she can't offer her opinion.

"It's your call princess," Bellamy suddenly says and shoots her a look. "It's two against two."

"Oh. I, uh, I actually haven't seen the movies," she replies, pursing her lips.

A round of loud gasps explodes around her because this information apparently is shocking, almost embarrassing.

"Oh my god, Clarke!"

"Did I hear wrong or did she just say -"

"That's not acceptable," Raven finally says with a shake of the head. "That's it. We just decided what we will watch for the next ten movie nights."

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

"Relax guys it's just some movies," Bellamy cuts in before any of them can say something else. But then he pins her down with a serious look. "But we do have to catch you up on those. It's basic knowledge."

"We don't have to watch them just because of me -"

"Yeah, we do," he insists with a smirk, and then his gaze leaves her. "We wanted to watch Winter Soldier anyway."

"Hey, it was still even, big brother."

"I'm 100% certain Clarke would pick our side if she saw the movie."

"Damn right!" Raven brings a fist down on the table and shoots her friends a wide grin. "Team freaking, uh, Bravenlarke!"

Clarke can't help but let out a snort. "Bravenlarke?"

"Yeah! Bellamy, Raven and Clarke."

"Why does my name have only one letter in it?"

"Because you're stupid," Clarke says as the same time as Raven and they regard each other in silent awe for a beat. From that moment it's basically inevitable that the two girls decide that they really like each other, much to Bellamy's dismay.

A while later two boys called Monty and Miller join them in the garden, and she recognizes them as the two shadows making out under a tree last night. (Clarke is pretty sure that the latter’s first name isn’t Miller, but everyone calls him that so she has no leads to his actual name). They are nice as well, although not as loud and blunt as the rest of the people around the table. Clarke finds it relaxing for once; to be around people that aren't that outgoing either. They discuss which movie to watch to begin her so called 'pop culture education', and other things. A party next weekend at Murphy's place. School stuff, and of course, the holy grail of subjects: boyfriends, girlfriends, hook ups. The usual teenager stuff that she can't take part in because - well, she hasn’t experienced any of it. But they don't ask her about it and she's grateful for the lack of interest in her, although she does notice Bellamy casually glancing over during the particular subject. She makes sure to avoid his gaze.

After a few beers she politely declines, they finally settle on the couch in the Blake's living room. It's too small and a bit crowded for six people, they have to squish, but in the end everyone is sitting on a surface. Miller and Monty take the armchair together, but they want to cuddle anyway so it's not uncomfortable. Jasper ends up sitting on the floor, but he doesn't protest either. Clarke is wedged in between Octavia and Bellamy which is good because at least she got a spot on the couch, however there is a lot of body contact involved and leave it to her to go rigid every time someone shifts or so much as breathes.

They decide to start with the first Iron Man film, albeit with a lot of protest from Bellamy and Miller, because 'that's the only true chronology to watch the marvel movies' according to Jasper. Needless to say, the two other boys do not agree with this statement. Clarke tries to focus on the movie, attempting to not frown every time an unfunny joke is made or something comes up that she doesn't understand immediately. What helps is that Bellamy keeps murmuring comments or small explanations to her, which is nice.

It's nice to have someone caring enough to clarify movie references even though he does it for - for what exactly she doesn't know. Usually Clarke is always above everything, understands the logic behind it and it makes her feel not as powerless as in her social surroundings, but the one thing she doesn't understand, alongside Iron Man, is Bellamy Blake and his agenda. If someone had asked her about his intentions a week ago she would have answered that he was doing it to make him feel better about himself, to help the weird girl find some love at school. It was the least he can do for her efforts to help with his German issues. But now? Now she isn't so sure about it.

Sure, one might think that he and Raven invited her to 'introduce her to the world' like he said a week ago. But that makes no sense considering pretty much everyone in this room is in a relationship of some sort. Miller and Monty have just started dating, she found out that Jasper has a girlfriend called Maya and that only leaves Raven, who has a crush on this other girl Luna, and the Blake Siblings. And Clarke is pretty certain that Bellamy does not want to set her up with his sister (or himself for that matter). This means, though, that she was invited for other reasons... reasons like these people just think she's cool or chill. And that sounds like crazy-talk in her mind. Popular kids don't like people like Clarke Griffin.

All this thinking while simultaneously trying to keep up with the movie makes her tired, and at some point she just passes out. The last thing she can feel before the darkness pulls her in is her head plopping on someone’s shoulder: someone's broad and firm shoulder to be precise. And even though Clarke wouldn't put it past Octavia to have a toned and muscular body, she is pretty sure that her shoulder isn't _that_ broad, which leaves only one person.

>>>

She wakes up to hushed voices, somewhere far away enough to be considered loud but still nearby enough to hear them. As she blinks several times to adjust to the murkiness of the room, Clarke identifies one as Bellamy and the other one as someone she doesn't know. It sounds female, though, and a bit older. Perhaps, his mother. With that conclusion her sleep fogged brain finally wakes up and she basically shoots upwards from her sleeping position. She is still in the living room, but the others are nowhere to be seen. Where is everyone? And why did no one care enough to wake her up? When she fishes her iphone out of the pocket, she realizes with a racing heart that it's nearly 1 am.

Again, why the hell did no one wake her up?

It's not like her mother doesn't allow her to go out on weekends, she probably isn't home from work yet and thus hasn't noticed her absence, but the simple fact is she never stays late at someone's place. Wells' is the exception because he is more of a brother at this point than just a friend. In fact, she hasn't stayed at anyone's place since that one time Glass invited her to her birthday in seventh grade and never again. The Blakes' mother must be annoyed to come home and find this girl taking up their couch. And oh god, what must the siblings think? Who falls asleep during a movie just like that? They must think she's a complete weirdo now.

Just as she's about to look for her backpack and come up with a plan to go home as soon as possible the voices go silent and a few seconds later Bellamy comes into the room. Strangely enough, he doesn't look pissed from what she can make out on his face.

"Hey, you're awake," he says with a nod before plopping down next to her. She regards him with wide eyes and searches for something to say.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep," she blurts out and pinches herself for the obvious tension in her voice. It's like she wants him to know that she's panicked.

"'s okay," he replies easily, though, and offers her something resembling a grin. "Can't blame you with the Iron Man movies."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wasn't your mom... pissed when she saw me here?"

He shoots her a look from the side, his brows drawn together. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," Clarke says with a gulp. "I heard voices. I thought maybe she was mad because -"

"She wasn't," he cuts her off with a sharp edge to his voice that makes her wince and look away. "Just tired from work, 's all it is." However, the tone suggests that he doesn't want to talk about it, so she doesn't press any further.

"I should go home, it's late."

"You can sleep here, y'know," Bellamy offers and sends a glance towards her. "If you want."

Now that would be too much for her first social encounter in ages, she thinks to herself and shakes her head. "It's fine, really. I don't want to bother you any more than I already have."

"You haven't," he tells her with a scowl before slowly getting up and holding out a hand to her. "Suit yourself, but I am accompanying you home."

She hesitantly grabs it and he helps her to get up from the couch. They end up standing right across from each other, leaving little space between them. "Bellamy, it's only a ten minute ride with my bike, I think I can manage."

"Right, and when some freak kidnaps you I have to live with the fact that I let you go alone," he says in a serious voice. "Yeah, but no thank you."

 

 

Despite his stubbornness and the undeniable proximity they share, managing to freak her out just a little bit, she huffs out a quiet laugh and gives him a smile. "Really? How would he kidnap me if I'm on a bike?"

"Things happen, Clarke, don't try to outsmart me here."

She lets out a sigh. "I'm a big girl, Bellamy, I think I can manage."

After a moment of crackling silence between them he raises an eyebrow and shoots her a look. "You through?"

That final remark  doesn't leave Clarke with much of choice but  to  let him accompany her home. He swings on a seemingly old and rusty bike of his own and they start cycling in comfortable silence.  A t least that's what it feels like to her for once. Comfortable. Peaceful. 

When they're halfway there, a question she meant to ask earlier pops in her head and she clears her throat over the gentle wind. "So did everyone leave? After I fell asleep, I mean."

"Well, we watched the shit show  that is  Iron Man 2 until the end and then, yeah, everyone went home," he replies. "Raven stayed over, though."

"Ah," she hums, nodding her head and training her gaze back on the empty street in front of her.

"So, did you have fun tonight?"

Clarke takes a deep breath  and  thinks about the question. "Yes," she tells him eventually. "I did. Thank you. For inviting me."

"Hey, no sweat princess." However, just as she wants to let a smile slip past her lips, he turns his face and shoots her an I-told-you-smirk. She can't deny that it looks... hot, kind of, but damn her if she accepts it without any troubles. 

"If you say I told you so I swear to god, Bellamy, I will run you down with my bike."

"Oh, she swears," his voice sings and suddenly he  quickens  his pace so that she has to as well to catch up with him, and not let him  guide  them into nowhere because he has no idea where she lives. No one really does. 

"And I can punch you too if that's  what you would like."

"Kinky,” she hears him grin. “Are you always this bossy and violent? It's kinda hot." 

Clarke is grateful for the night that surrounds them because she wouldn't like giving Bellamy the satisfaction of seeing her blush because of his meaningless flirts. 

"You're a jerk." 

"But a handsome one."

For some reason, Clarke doesn't argue with him on this one, just keeps  riding next to him with a red face and a frustrated expression. It doesn't take them long until they arrive in front of the Griffin house and Bellamy lets out a low whistle as he stops in front of their gates. 

"They really didn't exaggerate when they started calling you princess," he huffs in awe, eyes wandering over the sight of the huge, three story villa in front of them. It is big, she admits, but what people don't know is how empty it feels inside the walls ever since her father... It feels haunted with just her and her mother living there. 

"I still don't like the nickname," she tells him with a pointed glare and opens the gate to park her bike in the front yard. 

"Really? Never noticed."

"You're a dick."

"Didn't you say you want ed to punch me?" he asks with a broad smirk and a satisfied look on his face.

"You seem quite eager to be punched," she counters with an arched brow. 

"Who knows, maybe I'm into that, princess."

Clarke lets out a puff of breath and shakes her head. "Okay, that's enough with the unwanted images today, Bellamy." 

"I wouldn't call it unwanted," he corrects her and even has the fucking audacity to wink. She rolls her eyes. "But yeah, I'm glad you're home safe and sound."

"And no freaky kidnapper that got me on my bike," she grins. 

"Yeah,  _ obviously _ because I was with you."

"Obviously."

"Well then, I guess I'll see around," he says and is about to jump back on his bike when she stops him. 

"Wait, what about German? Is tomorrow still standing?"

"Oh that," he mutters and scratches the back of his neck with a miniscule frown. "The dropship is closed tomorrow."

Right, Sunday and all. "Right."

"I mean, I would offer to study at my place but it's not -," his gaze focuses on something behind her and he manages to avoid her eyes as he looks for an excuse of some sort. "- just not a good idea."

"Ah," she nods. Clarke looks at her house, looks back at him and remembers how god damn awful he is at translating phrases. The idea that forms in her head leaves her mouth before she can do anything to stop it, really. "You could come here," Clarke suggests with an awkward shrug and presses out a smile. "I mean, now you know where I live  _ and _ we still have so much to do."

Bellamy's face is unreadable for a minute and she gets anxious that she might have said something wrong, that this idea is, perhaps, crazy but then he gives her a nod and finally musters up his usual charming smile. "You sure?"

"Yes, it's not a big deal."

"Fine," he says. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow... at your place?"

"I guess you  will ."

"At three, that okay?"

She smiles and watches him climb on his bike as he throws her one last look over his broad shoulder. "Three is perfect."

>>>

Clarke is kind of nervous for Bellamy to come to  her place. It’s not like she’s embarrassed of it, in fact it should be the opposite since  her house is huge, filled with lush furniture that probably costs more than the yearly paycheck of a middle class citizen, and there are plenty of abstract paintings hanging on the walls. Still. It’s  _ Bellamy,  _ and two weeks ago she had daydreamed in German class about hanging out with someone with such a strong personality and such great hair. Now, this someone is coming over.

The doorbell rings a while later and she all  but  sprints down the stairs to open it. 

“Hey Bellamy.”

“Clarke,” he greets with an easy smile and steps inside after she nudges her head. She waits patiently as he kicks off his shoes, set ting  them aside carefully, and takes a good look around the bright corridor. “So this is your castle, huh?”

“Ha, ha,” Clarke says in a flat voice. “This whole princess nickname is getting old.”

“I think it’s fitting.”

“Of course, you do.” She shakes her head before turning and leading him around the corner and up the stairs. “Come on, we have work to do.”

“What, no house tour?” he asks, following her. 

“This isn’t MTV, Bellamy.” She hears him chuckle behind her. Thank god, he can’t see the smile that creeps up on her face.

When they arrive in her room Mrs. Kitty greets them with a few  _ meow _ s and butts her head against Clarke’s hand as  she plops down. Bellamy on the other hand looks unsure of what to do, glancing at the animal.

“You have a cat?”

“Her name is Mrs. Kitty,” Clarke nods. “You can sit wherever you want,” she adds, scratching her cat’s ear. There is a pile of worksheets and exercises she prepared for him next to her, the amount probably scaring him. After a few beats the bed dips under the added weight as he makes himself comfortable across from her. 

“I’m kinda afraid to break something by simply being here,” Bellamy jokes, staring at the framed painting on her wall. It probably looks like an expensive accessory her parents bought her but in reality it’s a piece she painted herself. A picture of a wild forest and a lake with a lone person in it. The only thing with no value around here, but she was proud enough to hang it up.

“It’s just a home like anybody else’s,” Clarke shrugs and glances at her hands. Mrs. Kitty starts licking her paws. “Big? Yes, but it almost feels empty since -” The words are a heavy weight in the back of her throat and she pauses. She isn’t surprised by her hesitation. Denying the gaping hole in her heart has become second nature to her now. What  _ does _ surprise her is the niggling feeling that actually wants to share with Bellamy of all people. “- since my dad died.”

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy’s grave voice gives her the motivation to look up at again,  and she sees the familiar kind of pain reflect ed in his eyes somehow. “I lost my father too,” he admits and now she gets it. “I mean, I was only five so I don’t remember him that much but.. still sucks.”

“Yeah,” Clarke sighs, her nails digging into her skin since this kind of pain is easier than the pain of talking about her father. “It sucks.”

“Anyway. What have you planned for me today?”

They work for over an hour, mostly practicing translating since it’s the perfect exercise to utilise a mix of grammar rules. Bellamy is a bit slow in the beginning, forgetting some of the things they practiced, but he gets better with time.

“Here,” Clarke hums and points a finger at the chart in front of them. “It’s always the same pattern. Subject, auxiliary verb, object -”

“- time and place?”

“No, that’s English.” Without thinking much about it she grasps his hand and leads him to follow the ever consistent pattern on the worksheet. “Subject, auxiliary, object and main verb.”

“Main verb,” Bellamy repeats with a firm nod. He lets it sink in for a while until his eyes dart to her hand that’s still clasped around his, and she promptly lets go with a blush.

In the end it only takes him one minute to decrypt a complex sentence instead of five, and for some reason it plants a proud smile on her face. 

“Huh, I never thought a sentence this long would make sense in my head, ever,” Bellamy marvels and lifts his gaze to look at her. 

“You will be able to understand much more soon.”

“So the chance of passing my finals are getting higher?”

“A lot higher,” she nods before shooting him a serious look. “But you will pass, Bellamy. You just have to keep up the work.”

“Yeah,  I’ll  try. Thank you, Clarke.”

The fact that he uses her real name instead of princess makes his words sound more sincere than he probably intended to. It feels good, though and she returns his smile. 

“It’s nothing. I mean, you’re doing all the work.”

“Yeah, but you are the one taking the time and putting in the effort.”

“Like I said it’s nothing. I like the German language it’s fun.”

He snorts at that. “Okay, I might know more than I did two weeks ago but I’ll never get on your level of nerdiness of actually  _ liking _ the language.”

“It’s not nerdiness -”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Shut up. I heard the way you talked about Kane’s history course yesterday, you adore your greek mythology lessons, Bellamy, so who is the real nerd here?”

It’s almost cute the way his ears turn pink as he mumbles something about gods being more interesting than  _ Die deutsche Satzstellung _ . Sure it is if you’re a history buff. But suddenly his head shoots up like he just remembered something and he gives her an excited glance. “À propos yesterday princess: the party we mentioned. You’re coming, right?”

A frown builds on her forehead and she has to bite her lower lip before speaking. “Can I ask you something?”

Bellamy seems confused at the way she blatantly ignores his question, but gives her a nod with a tilt of his head. 

“Why are you doing this? Inviting me to stuff, I mean? Are you still attempting to set me up or -?”

“No, it’s not that,” the response shoots out as Bellamy runs a hand through his hair. 

“  I t was the initial idea but.. you’re pretty okay princess. Octavia likes you. Raven loves you and not just because you two pair up to roast me,” he rolls his eyes. “So believe it or not, you’re welcome in our group.” Clarke gulps heavily. “But if you’re still up for that prom deal thing, I’m sure we can manage that too.”

“You don’t have to,” she tells him sheepishly. 

“Princess, I know that. It’s a matter of whether  _ you _ want it or not.”

She lifts her eyes to meet his, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Is it weird if I say yes now?”

“Why would it be?”

“Because I made a fuss about it in the first place and broke the thing off? And because it seems like I’m desperate for love or something like that?”

He shrugs his shoulder and  remains nonchalant. “It’s fine, we’ve all got our quirks.”

“Do I?” He frowns and Clarke grasps for her folder so that she can squeeze something. “I mean, do I seem desperate to you? You’re the only one I have talked  to  about this subject, so, uh, do I?”

“I thought it was kind of forced, the whole idea to find the perfect prom date and all, but if that’s what  you want… you’re not the only  one who does, I guess. You don’t come off as desperate, though. You’re witty and clever, but not desperate.”

Although she’s fighting off a smile, Clarke still has the urge to explain. “It’s not just for prom,” she says, training her eyes on her fidgeting fingers. “Cute prom photos and slow dancing would be great, yes, but I want - everyone has someone. Someone they can share their life with. I want the intimacy, someone who will love me and who I can love back and -,” she raises her finger and shoots Bellamy a warning look. “- I know it’s cheesy, you don’t have to tell me but still doesn’t change that I long for something that… lasts; for someone who stays.”

He’s silent for a few moments before clearing his throat and looking at her. “You know you can have all that with friends as well?”

“It’s not the same,” she sighs. 

“And not everyone is in a relationship, you’re not the only one,” Bellamy keeps going with a simple shrug. “I’m not, Raven isn’t -”

“But you are you, Bellamy,” Clarke replies with a scoff before he raises his brows in question. “You could probably have anyone you like, instead you just fuck them. And don’t tell me Raven couldn’t get some if she wanted to.”

“You can’t look at this situation from this point of view, princess. It’s not about hypotheticals and ifs, I mean I’m sure you already shot down plenty of people or just hooked up without wanting more -” he stops mid sentence when a burning blush colors her skin as she swallows and averts his gaze. 

“What? You didn’t -?”

Clarke’s eyes narrow and she shoots him a glare. “Why else would I ask you for help?”

“I don’t know - wait, like have you done  _ anything _ ?”

With burning cheeks she lifts her chin and fixes him with a warning glance to, at least, keep some of her pride. She slowly shakes her head. 

“Not even a -” his brows rise high on his temple. “- a kiss?”

“No, and I swear to god Bellamy if you  so much as laugh, I promise to teach you so much shit in German that Indra will personally kick you out of school!” Her voice manages not to crack and of that she is proud. “I will not fall prey to society’s standards that a girl, or anyone for that matter, must kiss someone or have sex until a certain age. It’s a stupid concept to shame people into expressing one’s sexuality!”

“Geez princess, relax -”

“I am relaxed. Don’t tell me what to do!”

“So bossy,” he mutters with an eye roll before his hands land on her shoulders and she instantly bites her tongue, eyes darting to his earnest face. “I am not judging, okay? It’s fine, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and actually -” he shoots her a lopsided grin. “- I think ‘s cute.”

“Cute?” Clarke echoes with an arched eyebrow and a lump in her throat. 

“Yeah, cute.” Bellamy nods. “You’re so innocent.”

She can’t resist an eye roll at the comment, however lets out a sigh of relief as well. His reaction to the confession isn’t as cringeworthy as she thought. “I’m not ashamed of it but - it’s not my favorite topic and something like this makes me wonder, you know; why it didn’t happen to me yet, if there’s something wrong with me…”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” he says, shaking his head. “Sometimes it just takes time.”

“Do you believe that?” It should be embarrassing how uncertain her voice sounds, but a warm feeling in her chest tells her that it is okay with Bellamy. She can trust him.

“Yeah.” His firm grip on her shoulders eases and he lets his arms drop, making her miss the reassuring weight on her skin. “And we’re gonna get you someone, princess, don’t you worry about that. You have me now."

>>>

“I need to tell you something.”

His eyes snap up to her, a wide crease forming between his eyebrows as Wells shoots her a worried look. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

“It’s nothing bad,” Clarke assures with a giggle, leaning against the dirty lockers at their school. “Although… you may not like it at first but I promise it’s not as bad as you will think it is.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“So do you remember how I started giving Bellamy Blake tutoring lessons?” Wells gives her a wary nod while shutting the door of his locker. “And how I told you what I wanted him to do for me?” Another nod to signal that he is still listening as they start strolling towards the canteen. Clarke tells him about his original plan and the way she had refused to cooperate at first. She recounts Friday night, the horrendous charity gala and the fun encounter with the delinquents, and finally she tells him about the invitation to his house, to the next party and presumably the ones after that. She  leaves out the parts that he won’t like - or so she assumes - and finishes with a hesitant smile. All the while his face remains neutral, not a single emotion that is decipherable. 

“Basically, you’re telling me that… you are part of the delinquents now, is that it?” Wells asks eventually as they come to a stop in front of an empty lunch table. 

“Not part of,” she nitpicks with a huff. “They just invite me sometimes. Probably because Bellamy told them to.”

“I doubt they would do that only because of one guy, even with his whole alpha male image going on.” She frowns. “They must like you, Clarke.”

She feels a blush burning on her cheeks and that must say something because she doesn’t do that in front of Wells, not in front of her best friend! “I mean, uh, perhaps -” her stammering is interrupted by  his  warm smile.

“It’s cool, I’m not mad or anything.” Her eyes widen as she gapes at him. 

“You aren’t?”

“Of course not, why would I  be ?” he shakes his head  and sits down. “It’s your life and you can choose to do whatever you want with it, and from what you’ve told me these people seem… nice. Although I do have to say  _ I told you so _ . I knew those tutoring lessons  were  never just tutoring lessons.”

“Shut up, we really study during those.”

“Uh-uh.”

Clarke continues fighting off her laugh for the next moments, relishing in the peacefulness she feels blooming in her heart for once. Then: “So we’re good?”

“We are,” Wells nods. “Unless you plan on ditching me for them for the rest of high school and never talk to me again?”

“Never, Wells. You are and will be my best friend for the rest of eternity, like we used to say as kids. Forever.”

He smiles and leans back. “I’m glad.”

>>>

Life changes in ways after that. Clarke goes to that party, and to the ones that follow, and meets all kinds of new people, although she mostly sticks to  those  she knows best like Raven, Octavia or her brother. Getting a significant other is not a piece of cake as Bellamy put it a month ago, it’s still hard to open up to fresh faces, or to start a conversation in the first place, but she’s holding her ground quite well in her opinion. Perhaps it’s not that easy because Clarke keeps insisting on staying fairly sober during the events. Sue her.  S he doesn’t want to get shitfaced in front of an entirely new crowd. 

Everyday life shifts in school as well, the delinquents start randomly joining Clarke and Wells at their, usually, unoccupied table. They chat with Wells about current topics and include them in their heat ed  discussions about movie night, stupid teachers and how Murphy almost died of alcohol poisoning last week; so anything at all, really. She has to admit it was somewhat awkward at first, when the group suddenly sat down and began talking with them out of nowhere. Wells shot her a what-is-going-on-look and she shrugged weakly, opting to shoot a few urgent glares at Bellamy instead, who just flashed her a dazzling smirk and said, “So what do you think about breaking into the local swimming pool and going for a night swim, princess?”

(Needless to say, Wells’ jaw dropped wide in disbelief whereas she could feel excitement buzzing through her veins.)

And possibly the most nerve wrecking thing of all is that Bellamy gradually creates a plan to set her up with Lexa. It’s - well, all of it is a bit weird. She isn’t sure at first but he convinces her with a few solid arguments about their common interests and personality traits ( _ “You both need to think less and live more, assholes”)  _ so she eventually gives in. After all, she can just see how it works out before making premature assumptions, and Lexa is gorgeous and intelligent, even if somewhat cold.

“Do you want something to drink?” the person in question asks her one night while the group is at some guy’s place - Sterling is his name, she thinks. 

Clarke considers it for a beat. She usually politely declines, but today is a perfect excuse to make an exception since Bellamy and his sister have literally pushed her across the room to the brunette standing next to a table with several bottles of booze and juices on it. So she nods with a shy smile. 

“Vodka or jack daniels?”

“Surprise me,” Clarke dares to say as an attempt to be flirty.

Lexa raises her brow but does as she’s told and mixes her a drink that looks drinkable enough. When she hands it to her Clarke takes a careful sip and hums approvingly, it’s not as bad as she expected. However when she wants to lower the cup the brunette pushes it back to her mouth with a sly smirk on her face. 

“Drink up.”

“I don’t think -”

“It’s more fun that way,” Lexa insists and demonstrates by chugging her entire drink down in one go, and letting out a hiss with a nod. “Your turn.”

Clarke isn’t really sure about it but still obeys and mirrors the action. Okay, she takes the _drinkable_ back, it’s not as good when you drink it all once, it burns in her throat and leaves behind a sour taste in her mouth. However a warm feeling settles in her ribcage and that makes it bearable. The two girls continue doing that with the next few drinks, talking about the biology course they’re both in and about other things she doesn’t follow with the steady alcohol flow. 

_ It’s nice, _ Clarke thinks after a while when they’re both standing in the doorway and giggling about the way Murphy and Miller are dancing, or attempting to, in the living room.  _ She is nice,  _ she realizes as she glances over to the brunette sipping at her drink. 

“Do you want to dance?”

Lexa blinks in surprise at the offer. “I - I don’t think I can dance, Clarke.”

“Neither  can I , ” she retorts with a brave grin that is probably due to all the drinks she has drunk tonight, holding out a hand. The other girl takes it with reluctance in her eyes and follows her on  to the dance floor. It’s a bit uncoordinated the whole thing, Clarke has no idea whether what she’s doing with her body is right but it  _ feels _ right so she keeps swinging her hips and occasionally touching Lexa as she dances beside her. 

Perhaps it’s hours, or maybe just a few minutes but eventually they slip away from the crowd, Lexa excusing herself to go to the toilet while Clarke retreats to the kitchen to get another drink where she finds a familiar smirk directed at her. 

“Having fun yet, princess?”

“Bellamy,” her voice squeals and she finds herself staggering forwards with a big smile. “I wanted to say -” his arms catch her by the waist when she drunkenly stumbles. 

“Easy there..”

“I wanted to say thank you! For everything!”

He shakes his head and lets her go. “Nothing to thank for.”

“I’m serious!”

“You always are,” Bellamy teases and bumps her shoulder into her. “So I see you’re amusing yourself with Lexa?”

“I am! I mean to be honest I didn’t think it would work when you mentioned it first but I don’t know she’s really nice and fun and of course it’s nothing yet but for the first time in my life I am not feeling alone Bellamy! I am feeling something!”

Her hazy mind doesn’t understand why his expression shifts from smirking to almost sad and heavy when he looks at her, so she pretends not to notice it. 

“I’m happy that you’re happy, princess.”

“And I’m happy that you’re happy that I am happy,” she giggles with the drink at her lips, swaying on her feet. “Whoopsie.” Instantly his strong arms return to her body, grasping her by the arms. 

“How much exactly did you drink tonight?”

“That’s a good question.” A hiccup escapes her throat. “I stopped counting after five.”

“C’mon, let’s get you some fresh air,” he says and nudges her gently to move as he steers her around the corner, through the hallway and outside where he urges her to sit on the creaking front porch. “Here, drink this water.”

“I’m  _ fine _ , Bellamy.”

“Well then you won’t mind drink ing it and stay ing here for a few minutes, right?”

She rolls her eyes, but snatches the bottle out of his hands and gulps it down. Who knew that alcohol makes one very thirsty. “Damn this is good.”

“Told you.”

They sit in silence for a while, Clarke enjoying the fresh air instead of the overcrowded rooms that smell of booze and teenage sweat. Suddenly a thought pops into her mind and her hearts starts pumping loudly, so loudly she fears Bellamy might hear it from the seat next to her. 

“Bellamy?” 

“Mh?” he grunts, turning his head to look at her. 

“What - How do I kiss Lexa?” Her brain catches on what she has just asked and her face turns five shades redder than before as she stumbles on her words to explain. “I mean - if she - what if it comes to a kiss, and uh, what - no, how do I kiss back?”

It’s gloomy outside, only a trail of moonlight shining down, but Clarke is sure that the boy next to her gains a faint blush as well as he scratches the back of his neck. “Well, um, just do what she does, I guess. Mirror her movement?”

“Oh my god, I’m so gonna fail,” she whines and lets her face fall down on her knees. “I’m such a fucking loser.”

“Clarke, stop,” she hears him say and feels a firm weight on her shoulder. “C’mere, look at me? Don’t go into panic mode over this, ‘kay?”

“But I don’t know how to kiss someone and what if -”

"You don't have to know, it's something that you do automatically if you're with the right person." She glances up to him and finds a genuine expression on his face. "Relax and let it happen by itself."   
  
"That's easy for you to say," she sighs kicking a pebble with her foot.   
  
"What’s that supposed to mean?"   
  
"Well, you're  _ Bellamy _ -" her hand waves wildly. "- the great charmer, who can get everyone and anyone into his sheets. I'm Clarke, though. I don't even know how to kiss someone."   
  
"You keep saying my name like I'm some god or something," he chuckles.   
  
"What, you aren't?" She deadpans, arching her brows.

  
"Not even close, princess; just a regular human being who - yes, I admit - has a hook up now and then, but I don't get all the fuss about it. Some people like running, I like fucking, what's wrong with that?"   
  
The way  _ fucking _ sounds on his lips twirls something hot inside her and she turns her gaze quickly, in hope that he won't notice the blush on her neck. "Nothing," Clarke says after a minute. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” The way his expression shifts from confused to smug leaves her scrambling to explain herself. “I mean you just said it yourself, you like sex. If you had a girlfriend you could have sex all the time and you  _ could _ have literally anyone here.”

Bellamy musters her for a moment before looking away, hand coming up to scratch a spot on his chin. “I’m just not that type of guy I guess,” he shrugs and glances over to her. “I have too much shit going on to have time for a serious relationship. And hook ups are just way easier than the whole emotional drama, y’know. Casual is simple.”

“Except when you get STD because of it,” Clarke remarks, the edges of her mouth curving up.

“Yeah, except when that happens,” he agrees. “But that’s why you should always use protection.”

His whole sentiment about being casual gets her thinking and much to sober Clarke’s dismay tomorrow a series of crazy ideas pop into her head. Ways she could handle the current situation with Lexa, but there's one in particular that lets her heart beat ten times faster. It really is crazy, and the small part of her brain that isn't fully drunk on rum and life yet starts protesting when the words lie on her tongue. She shouldn't say it, then again - she shouldn't do a lot of things.   
  
"Can you show me?"   
  
Bellamy's eyelids flutter in surprise and he does a double take. "What?"   
  
"Show me how to do the.. kissing thing," Clarke says in a pleading voice. "I mean, you must be a great kisser, right? Why else would every girl in school have a thing for you?"   
  
It may be her own pulse racing in her ears that she hears him mumble "not everyone". However, it doesn't get a lot of attention because he's right there, inches away and she has just fucking asked him to teach her how to kiss. How crazy is that?   
  
"Clarke," his voice sounds gruff. "I don't think this is a good idea."   
  
"Why not?" she demands, Clarke sounds determined and sure in contrast to him.   
  
"God, where do I start?" It takes a lot of effort not to take that personally. "First of all, you're drunk, possibly for the first time and I am not someone that takes advantage of that. Second, I don't - this shouldn't be your first kiss, not me, not like that. It should be with someone you really care about -"   
  
"I do care about you."   
  
"Not like that, Clarke."   
  
"Bellamy, please," she is full on begging now and it doesn't bother her at all how desperate she sounds. "What worth is my first kiss if I screw it up? You can just... show me. I know you would never do it with someone like me but please, for me?"   
  
"It's not because of that -" he pauses, shaking his head and scrubbing a hand across his face. "God, you're so gonna regret this, princess."   
  
A smile shoots up on her face and she claps her hand excitedly. "That mean you will do it?"   
  
His eyes study her intently, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "I guess," he says with a shrug.   
  
"It doesn't even have to be long, show me the basic -"   
  
"Just c'mere." Bellamy lifts his hand to her face and gestures  for  her to slide closer. When she's only millimeters away from his face her heart starts beating wildly again. “You’re really sure?” He whispers and she nods with trembling hands. For a moment Clarke thinks she will either combust internally or throw up in his face - all of that stops the moment he slides his lips against hers.   
  
It's just him and his proximity at first until she realizes that she isn't doing anything and starts - well, she isn't sure  _ what _ she's doing, but basically attempting to mirror his action like he previously suggested. Even though it is rigid and awkward in the first ten seconds, Clarke gets into it; she puts the pressure on his lower lip and tries not to let too much spit out. The way he is cupping her face with his hands, and the taste of beer and cigarettes he shares with her, all manage to reassure her in what she's doing and she relaxes into his touch. Clarke even nudges closer to him, deepening the kiss before he suddenly breaks free from her.   
  
They both release a shaky breath.   
  
"Wow," she murmurs and lets her gaze linger on him for far longer than necessary. "That was..."   
  
"Yeah," Bellamy breathes, his brows furrowing before he apparently realizes what is happening. "Uh yeah, did that help? It's not that hard, see, you did.. not bad."   
  
"Not bad?"   
  
His hand comes up to scratch at the back of his neck and she finds that to be very annoying suddenly.   
  
"Take the initiative by yourself with Lexa," he tells her with pink ears. "And try to do something with your hands, don't let them hang by your sides like broken twigs."   
  
"Okay. Um,  _ thank you." _ __  
__  
"Do you want to practice with tongue as well?"   
  
Right, she forgot that there's even more to kissing than this, although she finds that this felt nice too. God, kissing Bellamy was so much better than she expected. 

"I don't know," her voice stammers slightly. "Do you think I'll need it?"   
  
"If you're planning on making out with Lexa, yeah."   
  
"Okay, uh, just let me -" she takes a few deep breaths and closes her eyes. "- just a second."   
  
"Clarke, you don't have to if you're not ready. It's okay, nobody is expecting anything from you."   
  
"I am ready," she insists before shooting him an almost pained look. "This.. doesn't change anything between us, right? It's only practice?"   
  
"Only practice."   
  
Clarke nods with a tight smile and inches back to him, right when she's about to press her lips against his they hear a noise from inside. Somebody is calling Bellamy's name and he sends her an apologetic glance.   
  
"Sorry," he says, standing up and holding out a hand to her. "I guess you'll have to improvise."   
  
"It's fine." Taking his warm hand, she hauls herself up with his help and glances over to him. She does kind of see him in a different light now.   
  
"Trust me it's better that way."   
  
Clarke doesn't tell him that she thinks he is wrong. The anxiety about making out with the brunette is gone, however not because she feels more confident now (which she does) but because she simply doesn't want to kiss her anymore. She wants to kiss someone else and that is...unfortunate because it was practice.   
  
They go back inside, straight to the source of the voices and the first sight that greets them, or perhaps just her, is Lexa passionately kissing another girl in the corner of the living room. He doesn't notice it at first, his attention on the kids that called him to ask him for his I.D or something, but when he does his gaze immediately wanders to her. When she dares to return the look, it's something like pity in his eyes and - no, that's the last thing she wants to see tonight.   
  
At least, she doesn't feel guilty anymore for not wanting to make out with Lexa.   
  
Without a word she crosses the room and slips into the kitchen, mixing herself a drink to get rid of the bitter taste in her mouth which is counterproductive, but whatever. When Clarke takes three big gulps, she's sure it's 90% alcohol.   
  
After that the night passes in a blur.   
  
Clarke avoids Bellamy and the brunette as best as she can since she managed to make a fool of herself in front of the two of them at once. Instead she plays beer bong with Murphy (and loses spectacularly), makes plans with Octavia to go shopping next weekend and spends a lot of time laying in the grass with Raven, listening to her gush about Luna.   
  
In the end however she finds herself in the arms of Bellamy, as he holds her hair while she is throwing up everything she has eaten and drank in the last 24 hours. Maybe even 48 hours by the looks of it. Clarke isn't sure how she ended up like this, she isn't even sure  _ where _ she is because there are history magazines lying next to the toilet and something tells her the dude, Sterling, isn't a history buff.

“‘M sorry” she manages between the waves of nausea. 

There is  a  warm touch on her temple and then a finger is tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to be,” Bellamy’s soothing voice tells her. 

“You had to kiss me.” For a moment Clarke feels better, slumps back into his arms that are holding her. “You had to kiss me and t’was all for nothin’.”

“It wasn’t for nothing.”

Clarke’s brows draw together as she cranes her neck back at him, shooting him a dazed look. “It wasn’t?”

“I mean,” he starts, coughing slightly and using his free hand to scratch his neck. “You didn’t get to use what you learned  _ but  _ at least your first kiss wasn’t some asshole who takes advantage of drunk girls.”

A tiny smile appears on her lips. 

“Not that I’m  _ not  _ an asshole, because I am, but, uh -”

“You’re not,” Clarke cuts him off with a hiccup, squeezing his hand that she’s grasping now. “Bellamy’s good.” And then she has to throw up again because alcohol sucks and she is young and dumb. For what it's worth, though, she is grateful that it is Bellamy who brushes through her tangled curls with his fingers and murmurs gentle words behind her, and not someone else. That's the last thought that goes through her mind when her head lolls against the toilet seat after hours of emptying her stomach and the darkness lulls her in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that was part two - as promised! How do you guys think that will play out? Let me know in the comments :)


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing she notices the next morning is light - so much light, even though her eyes are still closed. The next one is that there is someone in the same room as her which means she probably can’t just keep on sleeping. Clarke lets out a muffled groan and opens her eyes.

“Morning sunshine.”

She turns her head and finds a grinning Octavia looking at her. “It’s way too early to be so happy, Octavia.”

“Clarke, it’s almost noon.”

“I rest my case,” she says flatly and buries her face in pile of pillows, however they remind her of a familiar scent and she sits up swiftly, glancing around the room. “Wait, where am I?” It’s minimalistically decorated with white walls, an old looking desk and big windows, but there are two huge shelves filled with dozens of books.

“In Bell’s room,” Octavia tells her quirking an eyebrow as she settles into the empty space next to her. “He told me you were blackout drunk and apparently not feeling too well either so he let you sleep in his bed.”

Slowly but surely the memories of last night start returning to her and she lets out a horrified groan at all the content that fills her brain. “Oh my fucking god.” Her hands fall over her face as she tries to focus on the most important things. And that’s when it hits her.

She kissed Bellamy. Or he kissed her, either way there was a kiss, her first kiss, and it was Bellamy!

“Fuck.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You don’t wanna know, Octavia,” Clarke replies and lets out a suffering sigh. “I think I need to move to another continent.”

“I mean I wasn’t exactly sober either but from what I know you weren’t that awful.” The brunette pats her shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s not that.”

For a moment Octavia frowns and then a flicker of understanding crosses her eyes. “Ah,” she huffs knowingly. “You care to share?”

“Not really,” Clarke grumbles, rubbing a hand across her throbbing temple. “Where is Bellamy?”

According to Octavia he is working an early shift in the coffee shop and it’s both a relief and somewhat disappointing not to see him right now. The first for obvious reasons and the latter - well, Clarke has become used to be around him pretty often and to be honest she wants to know if there were any other incidents last night, since she can’t remember much. (Only the embarrassing ones are stuck on her mind.)

The two girls go downstairs and Clarke eats toast with scrambled eggs, that Octavia made, while she keeps Clarke company, going on and on about some senior she talked to at the party. Clarke discovers that she somehow managed to send her mother a text without any typos, informing her about the stay at a friends house so at least, she is spared a fight.

After she opens the door to her house and leans against the door, knotted hair sticking in every direction and smelling like someone dipped her into a bathtub filled with booze and rotten eggs, she opts to go for a shower before deciding what to do next. It helps with the awful smell but not with weird rumbling in her stomach. Damn it, if she had known how terrible it feels like to wake up after a night of drinking, she wouldn’t have drunk everything she had yesterday - okay, Clarke had her reasons but this is equally horrible.

She needs a nap so she crawls under her comfy sheets and closes her eyes. To her horror a series of images flash in front of her eyes: the sound of Lexa’s laughter; brown eyes staring at her; a hand coming to rest on her cheek and suddenly she can feel Bellamy’s lips on her all over again. They way he tasted like cheap beer and how soft he was with her and -

Clarke shakes her head and shifts on her bed. All of this is pretty horrible. A month ago she would have probably been over the moon to finally get her first kiss. And to think that it was with Bellamy Blake, pretty damn good looking, charming and those freckles… but he is more than that. And the kiss was less than that. He is someone she meets up with three times a week to help him with his German, he is the one she sees even more often because he invites her to all the places and he is the one who agreed to help her find a prom date. Most importantly though, he is a guy she has started considering as a friend in the last few weeks, a good friend.

And now she might have destroyed all of that and for what? To be able to kiss a girl that was already making out with someone else. Great.

She really needs to talk to him, that’s for sure, even though Clarke dreads it. The thought of having to discuss what happened is terrifying, but the possibility of losing someone she has just found is even more frightening. So talk it is.

When she wakes up from her nap she has several snaps from Raven, Octavia and Jasper, but none from Bellamy despite the 28 days flame they have. He’s at work, she says to herself as she gets up to look for some decent clothes. The clock on her wall says it’s 3:19 pm though, and that means he already had a break and still didn’t text or snap or anything. A small part of her already starts panicking. What if he doesn’t want to be friends with her anymore? What if Bellamy thought she was a weirdo for asking him that and now he doesn’t want to see her again? So many what ifs and scenarios, yet no real answers.

The only way to get them is to go there and have that talk with him now. God knows, how awkward it will be and she certainly doesn’t want it to happen at school or with his friends around. So Clarke grabs her keys and wallet, jumps on her bike and rides to the coffee shop he’s working at; Polis.

She halts before going through the door, a lump forming in her throat. It’s Bellamy, she reminds herself and brings up a hand to the door. He’s the master of handling things casually, it’s his profession. The door jingles softly when she enters, and there he is. Bellamy is standing behind the counter, poured over a book as he leans casually against the shelf behind him. He doesn’t notice when she approaches.

“I don’t think your boss would appreciate you being distracted at work.”

It startles him, and his gaze snaps up to her. “Clarke,” he says, surprise in his voice.

“And you say I’m the nerd.”

“Because you like analyzing German syntax and studying grammar.”

“Yes, it’s relaxing!” He sets the book aside and takes a few steps forward so that he can brace his elbows on the surface. “I mean, I just caught you reading the Iliad or something at work, I think I’m coming out on top here.”

“It was lying around,” Bellamy mumbles. “Anyway, what are you doing here?”

She nods, already aware that this would come one way or another. “I wanted to talk to you. About yesterday, I mean.”

“Rough night, huh?”

“I’m sorry, Bellamy.”

“What for?” he asks with a genuine frown.

A blush spreads on her cheeks. Does she really need to spell it out for him? “For being a drunk mess,” Clarke replies slowly. “I drank too much and was embarrassing. I did embarrassing stuff, and then you had to take care of me the whole night because I couldn’t handle my alcohol. Oh, and I stole your bed.”

“Clarke, it’s fine,” he tells her with a simple shrugs and shoots her a reassuring grin. “Everyone had one of these nights already, you basically had it coming.” It’s not much but it helps with the shame she felt earlier. “Besides, you had a reason, y'know.”

“I guess so.”

“If it helps the girl Lexa made out with wasn’t just some stranger but a childhood friend she apparently had a crush on for years. O’ and I didn’t know.”

“Ah,” she hums. ”I’m glad she got the girl then.”

Bellamy gives her a brief nod. “Sorry, uh, for trying to set you up with her,” he says eventually and scratches the back of his neck.

“You only wanted to help,” she smiles bashfully. An electric feeling in her stomach tells her that the air around them has changed, like it has been charged or something. “Still, thank you, Bellamy. For taking care of me when I was down and for being a good human.”

“It’s what friends do, right?” It must be something with her ears, but Clarke thinks he draws the word friend out like there’s more behind it. Like it means something. Perhaps though, it’s just her overthinking.

“Yes. What friends do.”

>>>

They somehow manage not to talk about the kiss at all. It’s a bit strange in her opinion, but then again that means there’s no awkward talk and that she can live with. Clarke was right about him being the master of casual because he acts like it never happened, keeps joking around with her and teasing her, but she can’t wrap her head around the fact that something is... different. If it was just practicing, they would surely be able to talk about it without any worries, right? Perhaps, she has too much hope in their 17 and 19 year old minds, perhaps they’re not so mature after all. She plays along, though. Sometimes she even gets the feeling that he wants her to find someone more than she does herself eventually.

“Okay, just play along,” Bellamy murmurs as he fixes her up with a focused expression. His hand comes up to smooth through her hair which she doesn’t really understand, but oh well. “Always keep smiling, yeah?”

Although Clarke gives him a nod, her whole face probably radiates her anxiety. He scowls at that and brushes his thumb over her cheek in a quick, natural gesture. “I’m going to make a fool of myself,” she whines.

“Bullshit,” he shakes his head, glancing over her one last time before he gives her a thumbs up and a cheery smile. “You’re going to do great. She’ll love you.”

“She’ll think I’m weird,” Clarke mutters as they make their way over to the bar where the beautiful blonde with long legs and a badass arm tattoo sits.

“Remember: you’re a confident, hot blonde,” is the last thing she hears Bellamy say before they’re sitting down, each on the side. “Hey Niylah,” he greets and flashes her a grin. “Liking the party so far?”

“Oh, yeah it’s cool,” Niylah replies hesitantly, eyes darting from him to Clarke.

“That’s my friend Clarke, by the way.” He nods over to her and Clarke musters a nervous smile.

“Hi, that’s me.”

“Hi Clarke,” Nilyah smiles.

It’s not as bad as Clarke had imagined it. They chat about classes and Niylah’s plans to work as a nurse after school. Eventually Bellamy leaves them on their own, sending Clarke a thumbs up behind the other’s girl back which makes her almost choke on her Cuba Libra from laughing. But careful smiles and occasional flirting is as far as it gets at the end of the day. She finds herself still grinning tipsily into her pillow that night because somehow she didn’t mind.

So Clarke continues living her high school life, going to stranger’s parties, having fun with her friends and keeping up the good grades in the meantime which does become an issue one day. Needless to say, her mother is not happy about it. After one particularly nasty fight she rushes out of the house and jumps on her bike. She doesn’t know where she is going, not until she is standing in front of the Blake’s front yard.

Clarke has been doing this a lot lately, hanging out with both of the siblings or one of them. Mostly it’s at their place since their mom is always at work, but sometimes they come over too. Bellamy often does, flopping down on her bed and grunting something about his sister’s antics at home or stressing about his upcoming final. When that happens she lies down beside him and tells him horrible puns until he cracks a smile.  
Now however, she wants to see his sister. Bellamy would instantly see that something’s wrong and would want to talk or something. She isn’t in the mood for that though. All she wants is a little distraction, and Octavia is perfectly suited for that with all of the boy drama and glitter and gossip going on. Clarke fishes out her phone and dials her up. She picks up after the third ring.

“Clarke?”

“Hey,” she greets. “Are you free right now?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Can I come over?”

“Of course.”

“Good because I’m standing in front of your house.”

The girl laughs on the other end but a minute later she is holding the door open and shooting her a wide smirk. They spend their time hanging around in the living room, Octavia telling her about her new flame Lincoln while Brooklyn Nine Nine is playing in the background.

“Do you think he’ll be pissed?”

The pointed glance she receives means that she’s talking to her. “Sorry, what?” Clarke’s mind keeps drifting off from her mother and her unfair expectations, to her hopes and dreams for her that she doesn’t agree with.  
“I asked you if you think he’ll be pissed? Bell, I mean?”

“About you and Lincoln?”

“No, about me and Captain Holt,” the brunette deadpans and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, about me and Lincoln.”

“Probably.” From what she has witnessed in the two months she has been friends with the siblings is that Bellamy is overly protective of his baby sister. He means well, but sometimes it can get a little intense she admits, so he most definitely won’t break out in a dance when he finds out that his sixteen year old sister is secretly dating a guy his age. No, he won’t like that. “Okay he will be pissed, but I think he just needs to see how good Lincoln is with you. Then he will understand.” She gets a look of disbelief in return. “Maybe,”  
Clarke adds, for realistic points.  
“He will throw a tantrum,” Octavia whines and buries her face in her shoulder. “My god, maybe I shouldn’t tell him at all.”

“It’s better if you tell him instead of him finding out from someone else, Octavia. You know that.”

“He won’t if you guys don’t say anything, I only told Raven, Jasper and you. So shush.”

“We won’t have to if someone else catches you mid make out session behind the fence,” Clarke points out with raised brow, grinning. “I know that’s how I found out.” The girl makes a face and sticks her tongue out to her at which both of them break out in a fit of giggles. For a moment she forgets about her worries at home, and just enjoys being here at the Blake’s house, having friends in her life.

“I have an idea!” Octavia exclaims all of a sudden and glances over to her with a mischievous grin. “You talk to him, Clarke!”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you,” the brunette nods eagerly, sitting up. “I mean he’s always so soft around you, always in a good mood when you’re around and he actually listens to you! Do you know how rare that is with that grumpy idiot?”

It’s true that they get along pretty well but she thought that it’s just his persona; Bellamy has a good relationship with pretty much everyone unlike her who has issues opening up and other fears. So hearing this is strange, albeit a bit flattering as well. Still, Clarke doesn’t think that the idea is… good.

“I don’t know, O’ -”

“Come on, pleeease,” she pleads and tries to pull off the puppy dog eyes (her brother does it slightly better). “You just have to mention that Lincoln is super nice and charismatic or something like that, and then tell him that I am old enough to make my own decisions.”

“I highly doubt that anyone can say that to him without earning a few death glares and maybe a fist.”

“You can. I know my brother and he respects you, Clarke.”

She purses her lips in reluctance.

“I will do anything you want. Want someone to write your essays? Done! You want -”

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it,” Clarke finally gives in with a loud sigh. “But I don’t promise anything.”

That’s enough though, as Octavia squeals excitedly and wraps her arms around her. Clarke just hopes she won’t get dragged into this whole thing when it goes sideways, and it will; her brother might trust her but not enough to lose his protective instinct.

  
>>>

“Can I tell you something?”

His gaze lifts from the book he’s reading and settles on her, one brow raised. “Spill.”

“There’s this guy in your grade, muscular, tall, quiet. I think his name’s Lincoln?”

“I know Lincoln,” Bellamy cuts to the chase. “What about him?”

“He’s very nice,” Clarke attempts to say convincingly, drawing each good attribute out. “And sweet, and caring. Oh, and he likes art. I exchanged a few words with him at a party once and the tough exterior? All -”

“Clarke, get to the point.”

“But that is my point, he’s so sweet for such a tough guy; such a gentleman!”

“Okay, is this you trying to tell me that you have a thing for Mr. McArtsy and want me to set you up -”

“What, no,” Clarke cuts him off, shaking her head.

“-  _ or  _ are you subtly giving me hints to be less of an asshole?”

“Not my intention here. I just, uh - Fuck, I have to tell you something but I need you to promise me not to freak out, okay?”

This gets his full attention and he finally drops the book on the spot next to him, sitting up so he’s on the edge of his bed. “Clarke,” his voice is dangerously low, “What is it?”

“Promise me first.”

“I won’t make any promises I’ll most likely break anyway, princess.”

She lets out a sigh and gets up from his couch to sit beside him on the bed, looking him in the eye when she speaks. “Do you trust me?”

“Clarke -”

“ _ Do you trust me?  _ Even just a little?”

“I guess,” he grumbles with a shrug.

“Okay then I need you to trust me when I say that this is not as horrible as it may sound to you. It’s not  horrible  at all actually.”

Bellamy  studies  her for a long moment, something that would have made her uncomfortable weeks ago but now feels right. He likes to give her long, meaningful glances sometimes.

“Fine.”

“Lincoln, uh, he may like your sister,” she confesses. When Clarke sees the muscles in his jaw twitch she hurries to add another important statement. “And Octavia likes him too,  _ really  _ likes him, Bellamy.”

A few seconds go by in which he just stares at her. Then his eyes go cold and he lets out a long breath. “Lincoln, the  _ nineteen _ year old guy, is into my sixteen year old baby sister?”

Clarke stifles the urge to roll her eyes. “Your sixteen year old teenage sister that is perfectly capable of making her own decisions -”

“She’s fucking sixteen,” he snaps.

“So were you once,” she counters with a raised brow. “Don’t tell me you weren’t having girlfriends then?”

“I - yes, but that’s not the point!”

“Except it is. Why isn’t she allowed the same right as you? Because she’s your sister and you feel the need to protect her from everyone?”

“It’s not like that, Clarke,” he says, scrubbing a hand across his face and suddenly she regrets going off on him like that. She lays her hand on his shoulder and offers him a warm look as apology. 

“Then tell me how it is, Bellamy.”

“It’s just the way I am, simple as that.” 

It’s not and Clarke can see it in the way he is averting his gaze from her, in the way his knuckles go white because his hands are clenching into a fist and by the feel of his body going tense under her touch. “You don’t have to talk to me,” she tells him despite the wish that he would. Octavia appeared to be wrong about that. “Talk to Miller or to Raven, whoever you want to but don’t let it out on your sister who is experiencing something magical right now. Don’t blow it for her, please?”

He stays quiet but at least his shoulder seems to ease after a while. “I do trust you, Clarke.” She blinks. “It’s just a -” he shakes his head. “- a topic I don’t like to talk about. It’s stupid. I - uh, you don’t have to worry I won’t kill the guy; doesn’t mean I like it, though.”

“It’s your right to be wary, he  _ is _ two years older but give him a chance.”

“I’ll try.”

“And if you someday do want to talk to me about it, I’ll be there to listen, Bellamy.” She pokes him in the cheek with a grin. “Just so you know.”  

His eyes finally peek at her, a soft expression in them that makes her smile. Bellamy nods, swallowing and stands up before running a hand through his black curls. “Do you know when she’ll be home?”

“I think I remember her saying around dinner time?”

“Okay,” he says. “Can you stay until then?”

She does stay with him until his sister comes home from the mall, spending the time lying around alternating between him reading a book and Clarke playing Kwazy Cupcakes on her phone and then watching Game of Thrones together. 

Afterwards when she gets home and plops down on the couch, Clarke receives a text from him that says the conversation between the siblings went fine. He did  give   Octavia a long speech but no people were killed. She realizes then  that she has found someone she trusts and feels safe with in Bellamy. It’s not like it is with Wells and not what she feels hanging around with Raven, but it’s cool in it’s own way and she feels grateful for that. 

>>>

Six weeks before prom Clarke meets Finn Collins, and suddenly she thinks that she might get lucky after all. They first talk when she’s out with the delinquents in the town park. The eighteen year old boy is sweet, caring and gives her all kinds of compliments she has never been given before. It makes her feel special, makes her feel wanted for the first time in her life. And Finn is funny, he has a fountain of anecdotes and the way he talks about his plans after graduation makes her want to follow him wherever he goes. 

And that’s just the first time Clarke is talking to him, a little bit stoned and tipsy, so what will she think when they eventually talk on their own without being surrounded by all of their friends? The thought of them together makes her grin into her plastic cup. 

“Why so smiley, princess?”

Bellamy’s voice startles her and her gaze snaps up to him, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “Nothing,” Clarke mumbles. 

“Uh-uh,” he says with a knowing look, raising a brow and pinching her side. “Spill, Clarke.” 

She yelps in surprise before her eyes wanders to Finn along with a group of people sitting on the grass. Bellamy follows her gaze, however what she hears is a groan instead of what she expected. 

“You gotta be kidding me. Collins, really?”

Her brows furrow as she shoots him a glare. “Yeah,  _ him _ ?”

“He’s Raven’s Ex -”

“I know,” she interjects with a scowl. He told her, he also told her that it was a long time ago and that they parted in a good way which is why they are both at the same place right now, not minding each other. And Clarke knows for a fact that Raven and Luna are an unofficial thing now, so why would Bellamy use that as an argument against Finn? “Raven wouldn’t be mad, would she?”

“That’s not the point here, he’s the ex that  _ cheated _ on Raven; a really shitty, lying ex, Clarke,” Bellamy tells her, voice growing agitated. 

“What? He told me they are still friends and -”

“Because she’s too nice for her own good, not because he isn’t a shitty asshole that broke her heart.”

“I -” she swallows, casting a glance over her shoulder to the boy that is currently laughing with some other boy. He looks so... good hearted. “I think he’s changed,” Clarke says, determined, when she turns back. “He wouldn’t do something like that again, he is really nice, Bellamy.”

“God, you’re blind.”

She blinks in irritation. “Excuse me?”

“You really think just because he  gave  you a few compliments, made moony eyes at you and stared at your ass that he’s the perfect boy for you? That he isn’t the same person who dated Raven,  _ your friend by the way _ , for four years and then decided to start fucking someone else at the same time? Just so you know, it happened in November. Five months ago.”

“You’re making it sound worse than -”

“He’s an asshole, Clarke. An asshole that finds innocent and naive girls like you interesting, proceeds to brain fuck you into thinking that he actually loves you or some shit and then leaves you for the first other blondie that comes along. You’re not special to him.”

“Fuck you Bellamy,” she spits out, unwanted tears pooling in her eyes. 

“I’m just telling you the truth before you find out in a way more shittier way,” he snaps back.

“Don’t waste your breath since I’m apparently too stupid to get it.” Clarke shoots him one last hurt look before grabbing her backpack and bike and stalking away. She doesn’t want to be around people right now, not if the only person that was supposed to not judge her is doing exactly that. 

“Really?” he calls after her in a mocking voice. “You’re just gonna leave?”

“Fuck off,” Clarke yells back, not caring about the looks she’s getting from the others. Perhaps it is a little overdramatic to stomp off like a child with a temper tantrum, but Bellamy is a dick. And for some reason that hurts. 

>>>

For the next few days Clarke tries her best to avoid Bellamy, she doesn’t reply to any snaps, hides in the school library so that she doesn’t have to see him at lunch and skips German class. She’s furious at the way he talked about her like she was just some stupid puppet that lets everyone play with her. She might be inexperienced but she isn’t that gullible. Sure, somewhere she can understand the notion behind his distrust of Finn; cheating sucks and Clarke might have liked the attention he gave her a little too much but still. He could have said all of that without making it sound like she was dense.  And that sucks; not that Finn apparently is a dick or that he would have led her on, no,  what  sucks i s the way Bellamy talked to her. She thought that he knew her better than that.

And even though he is writing his finals soon which means they should be studying German right now and Clarke misses talking to him, texting him, and even simply being around him, she doesn’t give in. At least, not until Raven knocks some sense into her one Thursday on the way back home. 

“You’ve been strangely absent this week, Griffin.”

She glances to the girl jogging up to her, frowning because they don’t share the way home. “I’ve been busy.”

“Whatever you say,” Raven says, rolling her eyes. “You know you can’t keep avoiding him forever?”

“I’m not  _ avoiding _ him.” Clarke wonders how much the girl actually knows, or if she knows that it initially started because of her ex that Clarke defended despite the knowledge that he cheated on her. Suddenly a wave of shame washes over her and she gulps, casting a glance at her. To her surprise Raven just shakes her head. 

“Look, I don’t know what exactly happened between you idiots except that Finn was somehow involved, so let me tell you something about my ex, Clarke.” Raven stops and squeezes Clarke’s arm. “I’ve known him since I was six years old, he was my entire family for a long time and I loved him. I don’t think he is a dick on  purpose , I think he doesn’t even see the shit he’s pulling off sometimes. He has good intentions but goddamn Griffin, he can be a lot and I’m not saying this because he’s my ex and I’m jealous. I’m telling you this as your friend and fellow girl: Finn gets intense. If he finds interest in you, he won’t back off until he gets what he wants. If he doesn’t he dumps you like trash. He is a fuckboy as real as it gets.”

“I - I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to, babe. Just promise me you will keep this in mind next time he flirts with you or something like that?”

“I will,” she nods with a lump in her throat, barely managing to look her in the eye. “I’m sorry, Raven. I shouldn’t have - I’m just sorry, I’m a shitty friend.”

“Don’t get all cheesy now,” Raven snickers but links her arm around hers. “Besides, a lot of girls fall for his charm, it’s just what he does.”

“Still… you’re my friend.”

“Yeah, well shit happens.” Raven shrugs, covering a deeper expression in her eyes behind a wide smirk. “Now you only have to sort it out with big Blake.”

“I understand why you don’t want me to see Finn but Bellamy still could have been less of an ass that day.”

“He can be a bit rough sometimes, dude’s a dick but - I think he just wanted to protect you, y’know.”

“Strange way of showing that by insulting me.”

“He really cares about you, Clarke,” Raven insists. “Bellamy just has trouble showing it, and he might kill me if I say this but he has been a little bitch all week because of your fight and I am seriously tired of his pissy mood so y’all need to sort it out.”

“Raven -”

“For the love of god, do us the favor and please talk to him again? If I have to hear him grunt instead of answering like a real person one more time, I will kick his grumpy ass.”

Although giving up on her silent treatment will mean that she has lost in some way,  the  threat can’t help but make Clarke choke on laughter as she imagines a furious Raven yelling at Bellamy. But somewhere deep inside her, she is even relieved that perhaps this whole ordeal will be resolved soon. Plus he was in a mood over her which means that he isn’t completely indifferent to Clarke. Most notably though, his finals are coming up and the last thing she wants is Bellamy to fail German because of her. Damn it, they have to study. He needs to pass or she will be the one kicking his butt. 

“Copy that, captain Reyes,” Clarke says eventually. 

>>>

Her plan is to text him around midnight since the asshole never sleeps and doesn’t care about his health, much to her dislike, and instead uses the time to study or clean the house when his mother isn’t able to. However that plan is tossed out of the ’ figurative’  window when she hears something at her, literal, window. She opens it to find Bellamy standing in her backyard, small pebbles in one palm. 

“Bellamy?” A frown forms on her face as she realizes what kind of ridiculous move he has just made (as if they’re in some teenage film!). “What the hell are you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I’m throwing stones at your window.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed,” she deadpans, rolling her eyes. “I mean why have you come here?”

“I need to talk to you.” 

Two minutes ago she planned to do the same but now he is here and the talking thing actually has to happen. God, the only thing she hates more than fighting are the awkward apologies afterwards. Clarke wishes everything could be resolved with the cold shoulder until it gets boring and then you pretend there wasn’t a fight in the first place. Words, however? Expressing one’s feelings? Not her cup of tea. “Fine,” she sighs after a moment. “Wait there. I’ll come out.”

She can hear a “Why else do you think I’m here? Have you never seen any movies, princess?” as she closes the window and fights a smile that emerges on her face. He still appears to be in a pissy mood. Clarke hurries down the stairs and finds him standing on their wooden patio after slipping outside, fingers fumbling around with a paper or something as she steps in front of him and seizes him up with a stare. 

“So,” she says, ”talk.”

Bellamy opens his mouth but nothing comes out, he lets out a frustrated sigh and scrubs his hand across his face before stepping closer and gazing at her. “Look, I’m really bad at this type of thing but - I’m sorry, okay, for what I said about you. I didn’t mean it that way, all I wanted was to -”

“- protect me?”

“Yeah,” Bellamy breathes, “that.”

She nods slowly. “I get it. I just wish you could have worded it differently. I know I’m not an expert in terms of love and these things but I’m not just a dumb, naive blondie. I am more than that.”

“I never doubted that, Clarke. I’m just a dick who needs a mouth filter and an ass kicking.”

“Good,” she mumbles, biting her lip before lifting her gaze and returning his look. “You know when you said that… I always felt like you would never judge me because of everything but then you said that and I suddenly felt like an idiot.” Despite every muscle in her body fighting against the urge to cry, Clarke feels her voice quiver as she speaks, eyes starting to feel watery. “Fuck, uh -” His palm wraps around her fingers and his touch gives her the strength to continue her embarrassing heartfelt speech. “Sorry. I mean I’m not ashamed of it, I shouldn’t be I know that but.. it’s still an insecurity and you were always so chill about it.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats but this time his voice sounds less nervous, and this time he draws her into his arms until she is leaning her head on his chest wrapped up in him. “I’m sorry for making you feel like that, you shouldn’t have to ever apologize for being who you are.”

“It’s okay now,” Clarke sniffles, however remaining in his warm embrace. “I mean you gave me my first… -” she stops herself just in time although she can feel his muscles tense around her. “- uh, you know. I  _ obviously _ trust you. It’s fine now, though.”

“Yeah,” he nods, arms dropping as he pulls back and scratches the back of his neck. “- your first… I remember. Very clearly.”

Her brows shoot up, an awkward smile tugging at her lips. “You do? That’s -” she shakes her head. “- just great. Very great. Awesome.”

“Totally.”

“So, uh,” Clarke clears her throat before looking at him. “You’re still not judging me for being.. inexperienced?”

”No, I’m not judging you and never will. People who judge you for something for like that shouldn’t be in your life, Clarke.” 

”Yes. I know.” She shoots him a smile. ”That’s why you are in my life.” They stand there for a while until she remembers that she probably should apologize too, since she wasn’t completely innocent either. “I’m sorry too, by the way. I should have listened to you when you said that Finn was an ass.” 

It’s strange but making up with Bellamy feels good instead of forced or tensed. Perhaps, he’s just the one person she can keep her guard down with. 

”And you know what, I realized something,” Clarke says, sitting down on a lawn chair. ”This whole desperately-looking-for-a-partner-thing is -” she shrugs. ”- stupid? Or, unnecessary?”

”I’m not objecting, but how come?” Bellamy asks.

”I guess I realized that I don’t need someone to be happy. I shouldn’t be looking for my so called second half because I’m not a half.” A proud smile appears on his face. “I’m  _ whole. _ With or without someone.”

”Damn right you are.”

>>>

Bellamy and Clarke spend the next fifteen days studying like craz y . She not only grooves his German but  also helps him with his other subjects by asking him question and generally, providing  moral  support. They go for short walks or lie down in their yards and sunbathe in between study breaks; sometimes they take naps too when the all nighters get a hold of them.  To be honest she never could have imagined spending so much time with someone and not getting tired of them. 

With Bellamy it feels normal to be around him all day, ask him about literary devices or the civil war and then eat meat pie with him and his sister. 

Finals come around and he aced them along with Raven, Miller, Luna and Lexa. Saying that she’s proud when he gets 89 on his german exam is an understatement. 

Clarke keeps floating on this feeling of happiness and gratitude, simply enjoying her youth and penultimate year at school, until it hits her like a truck at the unofficial ‘we fucking finished high school party’ when she staggers into the garden and sees Bellamy making out with a girl. Saying that she didn’t expect this kind of pain in her heart is an understatement as well. 

The girl, a pretty brunette with long legs, is pinned against the wall and Bellamy is kissing her like there’s no tomorrow, kissing her hard; not the way he did with her. Glued to the spot at the view she stares for a beat before reclaiming her motoric abilities and staggering back inside, heading straight to the kitchen where all the booze is stored. Clarke mixes herself a drink and throws it down her throat with hot tears prickling at her eyes.  _ Damn it, why is she crying?  _ A poking in her back makes her spin around and face a happy Raven whose face turns sour the moment she sees her. 

“Outside?”

She nods watery, not in the condition to speak, and follows her friend to Miller’s front porch where they sit down in silence for a few minutes. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Raven eventually asks. 

“Not really but -” she wipes angrily at the tears, probably smearing her mascara in the process. “- I think I have to because I don’t understand myself right now.”

“Oh girl. I think I already know what it’s about but what is it about?”

Raising her brow, Clarke sniffles again. “Wait, what do you think it is?”

“Bellamy?”

She opens her mouth, denial already clogging up her throat but she can’t bring herself to lie, so. She simply nods, brows furrowed. “It’s not a fight -”

“Of course, it’s not. You saw him hooking up with Roma, am I right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I assume you didn’t like that?”

“No,” she whispers before the image of them two pops up in her head and another tear rolls down her cheek. “I don’t - it wasn’t like  _ that _ between us, I never thought that I would feel this but - Fuck, I don’t even know why I’m crying!”

“Sheesh, you’re crying because you’re drunk and because the guy you like is making out with someone else.” 

_ The guy you like.  _

How did she go months without noticing her own feelings for Bellamy? And how did these feelings develop in the first place, he’s Bellamy Blake for gods sake. Not doing relationship that’s what he said once. Not doing such thing. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry for this mess, Raven. You can go inside, you know. It’s your graduation party.”

“Don’t kid yourself, they’re all losers there anyway,” the girl smirks and wraps an arm around Clarke so that she can lean her head on her shoulder, letting out a sniffle now and then. 

“Did you really… not know?”

“No. I mean I knew I loved him, I just thought that’s how you love all your other friends and.. I’m so stupid.”

“Huh, that’s why you are looking at him like the sun shines out of his ass all the time and don’t even try to hide it. I thought you, kinda, knew.”

Clarke gulps, scratching her forehead. “I was never in love before… just crushes and stuff but never, like, in love.” 

“And how does it feel?”

“Like shit,” she laughs with tears in her eyes before the girl envelops her in another hug, running soothing circles on her back. “It’s not always like that,” Raven mumbles into her shoulder. 

“It will be for me, though,” Clarke mutters and draws away. “It’s Bellamy, Raven. He doesn’t do relationships, he only does casual hook ups. And he’s leaving for college in a few months.”

“Yeah, but his college is here -”

“Doesn’t change anything, only gives him a broader choice of girls he can fuck.”

“You know, you may look at him like the sun shines out of his ass but he looks at you like you’re the effing moon… Talk to him before making any assumptions.”

“No,” she shakes her head and plops her face into her palms. “As if someone like him would ever - no, I need to get over it.”

Raven makes a noise of disagreement next to her. “You literally haven’t noticed that you’re into him for the last past months, I bet my ass you wouldn’t notice this too.”

“Notice what?” 

The familiar voice makes her puffy eyes look up. Bellamy is standing there with disheveled hair and an easy smirk playing on his lips but the sight only makes her want to cry more. And shouldn’t he be fucking Roma in a bush right now? Lifting her gaze is a mistake though, he instantly sees that something’s wrong; perhaps the smeared mascara or the red rimmed eyes gave it away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Clarke mutters, wiping at her eyes as she stands up. “I need to go home.”

“Clarke I’m coming with you,” Raven starts saying at the same time as Bellamy tells her, “I can go with you.”

She optes to glance at Raven instead of him since that is the safer option and lowers the chances of her breaking out in tears. “It’s fine, really. Stay and enjoy your party.”

However it’s Bellamy’s voice that cuts in before she can try to convince them to let her go alone some more. 

“Clarke, you’re not going alone -”

“Yes, I am.”

“It’s a twenty minute walk!”

A frustrated puff of air escapes her throat because all she wants to do is go home and crawl into her bed, cry into a box of ice cream. Instead she has to stand here and argue with the one person that is causing this pain in the first place. “Bellamy, please,” Clarke exclaims with a wobbly voice, a few tears rolling down her face. “I can’t deal with this right now,” she adds and simply stalks off, not, bothering to see if they are protesting or following her although she can hear Raven say something to him. 

_ It’s better that way _ , she thinks.  _He is Bellamy, her best friend and he doesn't think of her more than that._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Numero tre my friends! Btw I wanted to say thank you for the comments and kudos you left, seriously it means the world to me. (Also loving the gratification but who doesn't lol) I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well and expect the next and final part in about a week, probably on sunday again <3


	4. Chapter 4

The next day sucks. Clarke wakes up and is instantly flooded with embarrassment for being a cry baby at the party, and simultaneously anxiety over the realization she has come to.

She’s into Bellamy. All this time he tried to help her find someone and it was him she was looking for. Maybe that’s why she didn’t want to have that prom date anymore. That’s somehow even worse though since he is her friend. They spend so much time together and now she is about to make it awkward by falling for him.

_You’re such a dumbass._

Her phone buzzes under her pillow and Clarke grasps it to find ten unanswered calls from Bellamy and Raven and even more texts.

_You could have gone home quietly without anyone noticing but you just had to make a scene, Griffin._

’Everything’s fine don’t worry,’ she texts both of them and throws it across the bed. However the tranquility she enjoys for a minute is interrupted when the doorbell rings. Clarke contemplates ignoring the person but then remembering s an important package her mother mentioned, she drags herself out of bed and trots down the stairs.

It’s not the delivery man.

“Princess.”

“Bellamy?” Her brows furrow as she regards the boy standing in front of her, a mix of smugness and earnestness  on his face (and fuck it, he looks so good in that damn navy blue shirt). “What are you doing here?”

“I have pizza and the sugary shit you love,” he tells her instead of replying and pushes past her to walk over to the kitchen. She follows him with an uncertain look.

“It’s 11am, Bellamy,” Clarke points out in the kitchen.

“I can make pancakes first.” She frowns even more. “And don’t tell me you _don’t_ want that pizza.”

He is right but she keeps glaring, sitting down and rummaging through the bag he brought while at it. There’s chocolate, the toffee one that she adores, and other candy.

“Are you trying to give me diabetes?”

“ _No_ ,” he draws out while going through the kitchen and taking out supplies that she figured he needs for his freaking pancakes.

“Sure, make yourself at home,” she mutters under her breath and shoves the bag aside. ” _Bellamy._ I told you I’m fine.”

He turns around and shoots her a challenging look. “Yeah, not working with me.”

“What? Am I not allowed to have a bad day anymore?”

“Not what I’m saying. Clearly, something’s wrong and I won’t force you to share, but I’m not letting you be miserable on your own.”

“Sometimes people need time by themselves,” she argues with a huff. Especially if these people are in love with the people that are standing in their kitchen and making pancakes.

“Fine, I’ll go but first I am making these pancakes.”

“ _Fine_.”

Bellamy returns to his task while she’s pouting and nibbling at the bar of chocolate. It’s an easy silence that surrounds them, but it feels loaded at the same time and Clarke can’t help but blame herself for it. Her and her stupid feelings. That’s her future though, so if she doesn’t want to lose Bellamy as a friend she will have to suck it up and get over her feelings. She can do that.

The pancakes are done after fifteen minutes and he serves them for her on a white plate, settling into the seat across from her as they start to eat. One pancake in, and he gives her a careful look that she would be able to feel miles away.

“You really -”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” Clarke interrupts before he is even able to finish.

“I was like this once too, you know.” She raises a brow. “Never told anyone about my issues, always kept it to myself and thought that it was for the best that way. It turned out to do more damage.”

“That’s great, Bellamy.”

“I’m serious. Like I said you don’t have to tell _me_ but at least talk to Raven or my sister -”

“Yes, okay, I’ll do it,” Clarke snaps. “Just drop it now.”

It appears to make him mad since he lets out a loud puff of breath and shakes his head in irritation. “Why are so fucking pissy?”

“Why do you _care_ so much?”

“Well, why not? I -” his jaw flexes. “- I’m worried, okay?”

“And I told you there’s no need for that!”

“You cried yesterday. If everything’s sooo fine like you say, why did you cry then?”

Clarke opens her mouth but the words get stuck in her throat. There’s no way she’ll tell him. She can’t.

“See?”

Her lips purse as she tries to stifle the anger building in her but it’s hard, because he is making her blood boil right now. It’s like he wants her to scream it out that there are feelings in her, feelings for him that she shouldn’t be having since there is no way he returns them. And it sucks, this situation sucks but she will get over it someday so she can’t. She can’t tell him.

Clarke shakes her head in attempt to argue, instead it comes to her mind how bizarre it is. The boy who is sitting across from her makes her want to kick his ass for being so stubborn and not letting it go, but he is also the person that makes her smile on cloudy days, and the one makes her feel safe and at peace. It’s not like she imagined, being in love. She always thought it would be a racing heart and butterflies flapping around in her stomach, but perhaps it’s just a pair of stubborn eyes and a goofy smile. Maybe that’s it for her.

Suddenly a jolt of affection rushes through Clarke and she has to bite her cheek not to break out in a grin. Bellamy is rather confused at the sudden change of mood.

“Why are you smiling?”

“The pancakes were delicious,” she answers. It’s not a lie but not the whole truth either.

“I made them with love and a sprinkle of provocation.”

“Wow, you have to teach me someday.”

“Someday,” he echoes and then looks at the pizza box. “Ready for round two, princess?”

She gives him an enthusiastic nod and slides her fingers around the box. “I think the pizza deserves to be eaten during a movie, you agree?”

“I think you are completely right.”

They grab the snacks and the pizza and steal to the living room. Before she plops down on the couch, Clarke feels a finger poking her in the ribs and scowls at the offender in question.

“I choose the movie.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she sits down. “You already chose last time and let me tell you: I did not enjoy _Sharknado_.”

“Yeah, me neither. I only watched it to annoy you.”

“So it’s my turn -”

“ _I_ made pancakes.”

“My house.”

“ _I_ brought the pizza,” he shrugs with a smirk before bringing his feet down in her lap. It catches her off guard and she almost jerks her knees against him. Not that he hasn’t done that before - which he has, lots of times during movie nights - but Clarke always assumed it was to get on her nerves but now it’s more. It’s more to her and she has to take a deep breath to relax.

“Fine,” she relents eventually with a sigh. “But only because you’re so -” _hot. Yes, so hot with the dark curls on his head and the broad arms that stand out in his stupid shirt. God, his body temperature alone is enough to make her heart flutter._

_Get a grip._

A faint blush colors her cheeks and she clears her throat awkwardly, scratching a spot on her neck. “Because you’re such a good friend and cook,” Clarke finishes lamely.

“Good friend, huh?” Bellamy smirks.

“Uh-huh.”

She really needs to get over herself or this will end in a disaster. Good thing that it’s her birthday soon, the perfect occasion to get smashed and forget about these so called feelings. To be honest Clarke would prefer calling them the sufferings.

>>>

Slowly but surely her birthday arrives.

It was never something special to Clarke. Just another year that has gone by, reminding her that she’s one step closer to adulthood, so really nothing to be excited about (aside from the food). This year however it’s a little bit different, not that she thinks it’s any more useful now, _but_ she has some people to share this stupid occasion with. People she loves spending time with, people she… has a thing for.

After a lot of convincing from Octavia and Raven she agrees to let them throw her a party on the night before she turns eighteen. What’s surprising though, is that her mother actually allows them to host the get together at their house while she works a night shift. (Clarke suspects she is at Kane’s place but doesn’t mention her assumption.)

There are more people who show up than expected since her social circle narrows down to the delinquents and Wells, although she _has_ met a lot of people in the past months. The atmosphere is great as warm shades of orange filter through the windows and her guests are enjoying themselves in the backyard, the living room, the basement and everywhere else, and Clarke is no exception. Three cups of a vodka mix buzz through her veins as she talks to some people from her school, laughing about a story they just told her about how Murphy woke up in the neighboring city on his birthday. That’s when her eyes land on Bellamy who enters through the balcony door.

Of course, she knew that he would come. He _is_ one of her closest friends _but_ something has shifted ever since Clarke has realized the nature of her feelings for him. Or maybe that is the overthinking part of her brain in her talking. Still, she can’t help but be weird around him, analyze everything he says or choke on the ‘butterflies’ flapping around in her stomach aka the monster bugs that make her life a little harder on a daily basis. See, the funny thing about feelings is that they’re not funny at all. They’re distracting, overwhelming and make her daydream about making out with Bellamy while she’s eating french fries. Where’s the logic in that? Naturally, all of this has led to Clarke seeing less and less of Bellamy even though she craves his presence with every fiber of her being. Now he is here, late because of his afternoon shift at the dropship, but _here_ and his gaze wanders around the room until it settles on her. He shoots her a smile.

Her immediate response is obviously to mutter a quick excuse and go over to him, returning the beaming smile. “Hey,” she grins. “You came.”

“Like I would ever miss your birthday, princess,” he retorts with a sheepish shrug, poking her in the cheek.

Clarke rolls her eyes at the nickname that will probably never go away, and quirks a brow at him. “Want a drink?”

“Lead the way.”

They walk to the kitchen where all the booze is stored, shoulders occasionally touching, and she tries to stifle the wave of affection that keeps emerging when she sees him. Clarke figures getting drunk will help, so she pours them two cups and throws hers back until she feels his shoulder bump against her.

“Easy there,” Bellamy huffs and with a raised brow. “Eager to get wasted, huh?”

“I’m turning eighteen in a couple of hours, Bellamy. I think that qualifies as a reason to get drunk.”

“Well, you could at least wait for me.”

“Then try to keep up,” she challenges before pouring herself another drink. To her surprise, he actually follows suit and downs his cup in one go.

“So I haven’t seen you in a while.” It sounds like both an observation _and_ an accusation. Not that he’s _wrong,_ they haven’t hung out lately, but still.

“You’re seeing me _now_ ,” Clarke jokes instead of reacting to his statement.

Bellamy huffs out a laugh but smiles. “And I’m glad about that.”

If it was up to her she could exchange these meaningful glances with him for the rest of the night, however she also knows that it would do more bad than good. Clarke can’t pretend like it’s not more to her every time he looks at her like that. So she clears her throat instead and shoots him a put-on grin. “Are you gonna party with me until the clock strikes zero, or what?”

“You bet your ass I will,” he responds immediately . “Any particular wishes tonight, princess?”

“Well -” Her head cocks to the side as she muses about the question. “First, I want to get hammered -”

“Done,” Bellamy says as he hands another cup.

“- I want to play stupid drinking games that are _not_ ‘never have I ever’ because I suck at that -” He nods, a knowing grin on his lips. “- I also want lots of cute photos so that I have _something_ to remember, because I’ll obviously remember nothing tomorrow, aaand -”

“Presents? Boys? Girls?”

She makes a face at him before speaking. “- a cool birthday. Just everything going well.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Clarke echoes before sipping at her new drink. She remembers one  other thing then. “Can you try to keep your dick in your pants tonight, though? Because I don’t want you fucking some girl in my house.” It comes out harsher than intended and her gaze darts away in fear he might notice the jealousy in her eyes.

He almost chokes on his drink, brows shooting up so high they disappear beneath his hair. “Clarke -”

“I mean, you can do whatever you want, _obviously_. Just not here.”

“ _Clarke._ ” His voice is loud despite the music blaring from the sound system. “I’m not fucking someone on your birthday.”

She gulps, already feeling guilty for the outburst. “Thanks.” Clarke nods and shoots him an apologetic smile. “Then I’d say, we’re getting crank?”

“Sounds good.”

Clarke would lie if she said that everything that comes afterwards is a clear array of memories. Instead it’s blurry segments of the night all confusing and messed up. She just knows that she does shots with Bellamy until someone drags her to the ‘dancefloor’, Octavia she assumes, and then it’s already 11:59 pm and everyone is counting down the seconds to midnight. She remembers Bellamy giving her a goofy grin and asking “Ready to turn eighteen, princess?” before the house erupts in loud cheering and Clarke is drowning in hugs and birthday wishes from all sides. However, she can still see his face when he says, “Happy birthday, Clarke,” because it’s a face she loves and wishes to see everyday for the rest of her life even if that sounds cheesy as fuck. That’s the last thing that goes through her mind and suddenly she snaps awake in a dark room, head still buzzing with all the alcohol.

“Hey, you okay?”

She turns her head to find someone lying next to her, it takes her a moment adjusting to the murkiness to recognize that it’s Bellamy who is giving her a worried look.

“Bellamy?”

“Clarke.”

“Sorry.” Her hand runs through her tangled curls. “God, I think I’m still drunk.”

“Hardly surprising considering how much you drank tonight,” his gruff, but clearly amused, voice tells her. Ah, so it’s still night. She blinks as a few memories of the whole event flashes through her mind. The party went on for another few hours, but then it got late and most of the crowd left with a couple exceptions like Bellamy who is currently sharing a bed with her. Clarke isn’t sure why, but what she does know is that Bellamy drank just as much as she did so it doesn’t take a lot of thinking to figure out why he didn’t drive back home.  

“Hey, you’re not in any position to judge, Bellamy,” she retorts before settling back into the bed, shifting so that she can look at him from her side. Bellamy reciprocates her gaze with a smirk.

“I’m not judging.”

“Good.” Despite the fresh air outside a dribble of sweat builds on her back because Bellamy is lying right here next to her, looking at her with this fucking look and so damn close. “Did you have fun?”

“Did _you_ have fun, Clarke? It was your birthday.”

“I did,” she nods, the edges of her mouth curling upward. “And you? Did you survive a night without hooking up?”

One of his brows twitches at her words, something flickering in his eyes before disappearing just as fast as it emerged. “You know, I’m not some sex addict or something, right?”

She rolls her eyes.

“Seriously. Sex is fun, pretty great actually if there’s a mutual understanding but it’s not - not everything. That’s why I don’t understand why you’re so insecure about being a -” his words stutter a bit on his tongue. “- for not having had sex yet.”

A loud sigh escapes her throat, the topic isn’t her favorite to talk about and especially not with him, not now that there’s more feelings involved on her end. If she was sober, she would just avoid the topic entirely, but the drunk part of her brain feels slightly less sensitive at the moment. And she has the urge to explain.

“I’m not insecure about it, at least not anymore.” He gives her a nod. “But - I guess, it’s the first part you mentioned. It’s fun and… maybe I want to have that fun as well, although looks like I have to keep waiting.”

“You’re hot, Clarke,” Bellamy says bluntly and she chokes on nothing, face probably turning red, but it’s dark so not like it matters. “Sorry, but you are. You’re hot and beautiful and smart and you could have had anyone at the party before.”

“Bell-”

“No shit, princess. Especially the boys, they would be more than happy to use their dick for the first time -”

“I don’t want them, though,” Clarke says, eyes locking on his face as he blinks.

“What do you want then?”

_You._

_You._

_Only you._

“I don’t know,” she shrugs with a gulp, forcing herself to look away from him because it’s too much for her drunken mind. Changing the subject seems like a good idea, however her next words aren’t _that_ much better. “Tell me about it.”

He shoots her a puzzled look. “About what?”

“Sex.”

“You want me to tell you about sex?” His voice rumbles through the silent room, tension buzzing in it.

“Yeah. If I can’t experience it, you’ll have to tell me about it. What’s the fun part? What do you like about it?” It’s definitely the alcohol vocalizing these thoughts, but it is something she has mused about a lot. Sure, Clarke may have trouble socialising from time to time and sometimes big crowds overwhelm her to a point that she starts feeling sick, but expressing herself and her sexuality has never been an issue. She just needs the right person. Bellamy _is_ the right person; the alcohol helping her feel this way.

“I mean orgasms are pretty great, that’s obviously a thing,” he says, gaze fixing on his fingers, that are tracing patterns into her sheet, as if he’s trying to avoid her eyes. For someone who is equally expressive about this subject and who jokingly flirts with her all the time, Bellamy appears to be surprisingly awkward about it. “Then there’s just the sex in general, I like that you get so caught up in it - if it’s good - that you forget about everything else.”

“Like… distraction?”

“Distraction sounds so negative, what I mean is better. Greater. It’s like you’re blinded.”

“Damn,” she mumbles with a sigh. “Sounds great.”

“Sure is but not the meaning of life either.”

Clarke nods, eyes locked on the illuminated part of his face. The way he talks about it makes something stir up deep within her, a desire coiling in her stomach for something she can’t have. She can’t have him. “Cool,” she murmurs after a while.

“Do you...” he starts after her silence. “Do you wanna know anything else?”

She does. Clarke wants to know what his lips would feel like against her skin, what he would do with her in this bed and if he would kiss less gently this time. But asking for that isn’t an option, so she goes for something else.

“What’s your favorite part? I mean, just the strictly hetero penis in vagina thing or…” she trails off, looking for a way to rephrase the question but thankfully Bellamy gets the gist.

“There’s much more to sex than penetration, y’know,” he says with a smirk. “I personally like getting girls off. Don’t get me wrong I’ll never say no to receiving but making someone come, seeing them fall apart in front of you? It’s fucking hot.”

Clarke has to really, really try to stifle the sigh that wants to pass her lips. Bellamy is what’s fucking hot here. Bellamy and the way he talks about pleasuring girls because it makes her think of inappropriate scenarios while lying right here next to him. Not that she is ashamed of having fantasies, but right now it’s him and his head between her legs and it does nothing but make matters worse. It’s creepy. He is her friend and not someone to sexualize. Then again, how can she not think about it when he’s saying these things?

“Clarke?” His voice finally makes her snap out of her thoughts and look him in the eye. She hopes with all of her heart that he doesn’t notice the way her thighs clench.

“Hm? Sorry, I was just, uh, thinking,” Clarke manages before clearing her throat and pressing her head against the pillow under her. “I thought guys don’t like that?”

“Going down on you?”

“Yeah.”

“I can only speak for myself but I love it, and honestly the dudes that don’t like it are probably the ones who demand a blowjob every time their girl’s over. Don’t date those kind of guys princess, they’re dicks.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” she says with an amused grin. “If it ever comes to it.”

“It will.” Bellamy brings up a hand to sweep a strand of hair out of her face, the gesture making her breath stutter for a second. This is exactly why she tried avoiding him lately because he does things like this and it brings her hopes up for being something more than what they currently are. In the end though, Bellamy stays Bellamy and if he ever had any interest in her, he would have done something about it by now, which he never did.

“I mean, I already told you that I’m not desperately looking for someone. I don’t need ‘the one’ to be happy right now. I’m still young and have my life ahead of me but -” She gulps, glancing over to the boy looking at her with a warm look that makes her want to kiss him. “- I guess it would be nice to experience these things. Sex, too. It’s just not the same on your own…”

“I get it,” he nods.

“Yeah.”

Clarke can see him swallow before he opens his mouth to speak again, a shadow of reluctance dancing across his features. “If you ever need a hand…”

Her brows shoot up on her forehead and she almost chokes on thin air as she regards the bashful expression on his face. “What?”

“What?” Bellamy repeats innocently like he hadn’t just suggested to help her with - damn it, she isn’t turning crazy now, is she?

“What did you say?”

He makes a funny face before answering, almost like he is embarrassed which is crazy. “I said _If you ever need a hand._ ”

“As in - ?” The question remains unfinished but both of them know what it means.

“Yeah,” he shrugs nonchalantly. “If you want... I can get you off.”

“So you would, teach me, right?”

“No, I wouldn’t _fuck_ you,” his voice gains a serious edge to it and it makes her frown. How is having sex with someone that much different from getting them off?

“Why not?”

Bellamy suddenly sits up in the bed, scrubbing a hand across his face.

“ _Because_ ,” he says like that’s somehow insightful. “I don’t wanna -” He shuts his mouth and looks at her. “You’re a virgin and I guess your first time should be with someone special.”

 _You are someone special,_ she wants to say but instead lets out a sigh and raises her brows. “It can be special the second time around, Bellamy. It doesn’t have to be the whole romantic first time stigma.”

“Still. You’re so… innocent,” he mutters. “I would fuck it up.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, annoyed at the fact that he views her as this innocent, little girl just because she hasn’t had sex yet. Just because no one has ever given her an orgasm doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have any fantasies or thoughts. In fact, she isn’t all that innocent.

“Don’t say that. I might be a virgin, Bellamy but not some innocent girl who has never thought of sex or who has never done it herself and -”

“Damn it,” he interrupts her with a loud groan and lets his face drop into his palms. “You’re not helping here.”

It makes her giggle despite his stupid way of viewing her. “What?” she murmurs with a smug expression before crawling closer to him. “I’m not ashamed to admit that I do it.”

“Clarke.” Bellamy finally lifts his gaze and shoots her a desperate look. “I’m not fucking you. I - I would fuck it up in some way, I know it because that’s what I do. You’ll be glad when you find the right person, I promise.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just -”

“Bell,” she says gently, placing a hand on his reddened cheek. “You don’t have to justify yourself. I mean I don’t completely get it but I don’t have to. It’s okay, really.”

Clarke feels him nod lightly under her touch, already missing the warmth of his skin after retracting her hand and sending him an understanding smile. Perhaps if they were two different people, it would work. But they are Clarke and Bellamy, the virgin who is in love with her best friend and the best friend who is, according to his own words, not suited for relationships. Of course having her first time with him would be in some way great although she would have to pretend it’s something less meaningful than it actually is, but he’s got his own issues so she’s not going to pressure him. Or expect anything from him. He’s a human being and not some ideal boyfriend she made up in her head.

“I can still get you off, though,” Bellamy suddenly says and her smile drops into a bashful expression.

“You don’t have to,” she says, voice wavering ever so slightly.

“I know but the offer still stands.” Clarke gulps. “I mean, it’s your birthday. You just turned eighteen. I think an orgasm is a pretty great present, don’t you?”

“I - uh, yeah it sounds like an -” she licks her lips. “ _\- awesome_ present.”

“But?”

“But?” Clarke repeats weakly at his raised brow. “I don’t think there is a but.”

“I don’t wanna force you into something,” he tells her with solemn gaze. “Only if you want.”

She does want, she really wants but what Clarke doesn’t know is if it’s a good idea. Because it’s going to be Bellamy’s head between her legs, the boy she has feelings for and it’s rather unlikely this will help. Then again, he’s offering to go down on her and she might as well enjoy it despite her stupid feelings. This might be a once-in-a-lifetime-chance.

“Yeah,” Clarke croaks out. “I want you to.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she nods, biting her lip and already feeling the anxiety washing over her.

“You’re soberish, right?”

“ _Yes_ , Bellamy. I’m saying this with a clear mind.”

“Good.” He gives her a smile but the expression on his face already darkens and it makes her both turned on and slightly nervous. “Tell me if you ever need me to stop.” Clarke gives him a yes and then he’s pulling her face into a quick kiss.

It’s sweet and easy, not as hesitant as the first one they shared and it leaves her craving more after he pulls away. Not for long though, because he is already crashing his lips down on hers in a second, more bruising kiss that knocks the breath out her lungs for several moments. In fact, it’s so hot that she lets out a small whimper into his mouth which only encourages him further.. His right hand starts wandering softly along her sides, caressing her skin through the material of her thin shirt while the other is cupping her face, the touch burning holes into her.

Slowly but surely they fall back on the bed until Bellamy’s weight is above her, his knee coming up between her thighs to softly press against her core. The slow building desire she has felt for the last 30 minutes sky rockets in her stomach and Clarke urgently presses against his knee, desperate to get some friction.

“You’ll have to be quiet,” he whispers, his lips barely touching hers. “Our friends are sleeping next door.”

Instead of answering him she surges up into another kiss, mirroring his previous actions and sucking his bottom lip into her mouth which elicits a groan from him. Bellamy grasps the edge of her shirt and shoots her a silent question with his eyes. She allows him to take it off with a hasty nod. When it’s off, a small army of goosebumps run along her skin, the cold air sweeping over her bare upper body.

Nobody has ever seen her this naked before and it makes her blush a little, but Bellamy’s hands quickly find their way to massage her breasts and doesn’t leave her any time to be shy about it. He bites down on her lip so that she parts them for him and then his tongue is in her mouth, swirling around hers. This new sensation combinated with the touch of his fingertips flicking her nipples makes her shudder with pleasure and press up against him.

“I need you to tell me,” he whispers before pressing a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Need you to tell me exactly what you want, Clarke.”

Her hands tangle in his hair, lips parting to speak. “Your mouth,” she breathes. “I want your mouth. Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” His eager voice makes her smile as she looks up at him and nods. “Can I?”

“Everything for the birthday girl.”

Bellamy makes a show of peppering her throat, breasts and stomach with feather light kisses and soft bites now and then. Clarke is sure that’s how heaven feels like, being loved by Bellamy Blake. However when he arrives at her lower regions something in her twitches, and not in the good kind of way. She tenses up and of course, he notices immediately.

“Hey, hey,” he murmurs after crawling back up. “Everything okay? You need me to stop?”

“No, everything’s perfect.” She releases a shaky breath, looking at him with a flustered expression. “You’re perfect, Bellamy. I just - uh. I don’t know. It’s the first time, and I’m nervous. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s okay.”

“I’m ruining the mood, though.”

Bellamy smirks. “I think the mood’s not the problem here.”

“What is then?” she asks with a quirked brow.

“You need to relax. I’ll help you if you let me.”

“I’ll let you,” Clarke whispers, grinning lightly. “Make me relax, Bellamy Blake.” And they both laugh for a good moment. But he takes his promise seriously and soon he’s kissing her again, slower, deeper, a life-affirming type of kissing. When she’s letting out needy moans against his lips, he takes mercy on her and starts to trail down her body again, this time taking his time though. Bellamy’s lips write poetry against her skin, makes her laugh with pleasure as he sucks a nipple into his mouth, tongue flicking at the bud, and plays with the other one.

By the time he starts pressing open mouthed kissed to the soft skin on her hips, Clarke is crazy with want. He settles between her thighs, his hot breath fans against her and she stifles a loud moan that wants to escape her throat. “Bellamy, please. I’m relaxed now.”

“Everything for you, Clarke,” he murmurs with a gruff voice before lowering his face to place a soft kiss on her damp panties. “How does this feel?” She lets out a sigh, hoping that it’s enough of an answer, but when he doesn’t continue she finds him staring at her with an expectant look.

“Like I want more.”

This makes him continue and he places another kiss, this time rubbing his mouth along her panties. Clarke arches her hips against his face, desperate for him to finally take them off and get to it before she combusts with unresolved desire. Before he does, Bellamy peppers her inner thighs and her panties with a few dozen other kisses, and then he finally dips his finger under the waistband and peels them off, leaving her completely bare in front of him. If she wasn’t so turned on right now, she would probably blush or try to cover up again but fuck - his mouth is so close to her and she can basically feel his breath on her.

“Bellamy,” her voice whines.

He surprises her with a long lick along her slit, better than before but not where she wants his tongue right now. That doesn’t bother Bellamy though, he simply goes on with licking around her core, carefully avoiding her clit each time.

“Fuck, you’re so hot princess,” he murmurs into her flesh and gently sucks on her outer lips before parting them with his tongue. “And so wet. You really want this, don’t you?”

“Yeah, fuck,” she moans and lets a hand fall down in his hair, trying to hold on for dear life. “I need this.”

“So untouched,” he marvels, nose occasionally bumping against her clit and eliciting groans from her. “So wet, so needy for this. I’m going to give you what you want now, okay?”

Clarke nods hastily. Yes it’s fucking okay.

Finally his tongue flicks against her clit, once, twice and her whole lower body twitches at the contact. The burning desire builds in her stomach. Suddenly Bellamy lifts her legs and throws them around his well built shoulders, giving him better access as he sucks her clit into his mouth. It feels so good, she has to clasp a hand over her mouth not to scream and wake up everyone in the house.

The hand that isn’t occupied with flicking her clit and stroking her slit, comes up to massage her breasts, switching from gently tapping her nipples to flicking them. Sometimes he does it at the same time, sucking her clit and working her nipples and her hips buck against his mouth at the double sensation, so close to the edge. Clarke can definitely feel her orgasm building, and she has a feeling it will be a big one.

“Yeah, Clarke,” Bellamy murmurs and swirls his tongue around her. “Just fuck yourself against my mouth, do it the way you want it.”  It gives her the courage to press herself closer against his tongue and slightly push his head until his nose is bumping against her clit and her world slowly turns into a white nothingness. Until all she can feel is him on her, and she comes with a not so quiet cry and tired shudder.

She collapses on the bed, trying to recover while Bellamy places a few kisses to her thigh and then slowly crawls up to lie next to her. It should feel weird in some way. He just made her come and talked her through it. He saw her naked (still does, by the way) and all of that as just friends. But it doesn’t feel weird. Clarke glances over and finds him eyeing her with a warm look.

“Did you like that?”

She nods. “It was… fucking great.”

“Good,” he says. “That’s good. I’m glad you liked it.”

Clarke wants to offer something in return, the bulge in his sweats looks pretty uncomfortable sitting there but she’s so fucking tired that she immediately falls asleep as soon as her eyes flutter close.

A soft rustling next to her wakes her up the next morning. Clarke opens her eyes to find Bellamy putting on a shirt while moving around the room. She enjoys the view and the peaceful feeling in her chest for a second before the memories hit her. The memories of her birthday party, of last night, of _him -_

And fuck.

“You’re leaving,” she states flatly, voice still groggy from sleep. His head whips around and he shoots her a puzzled look.

“I’m going downstairs to make sure our friends are still alive and not dead from choking on their own puke, if that’s what you mean by leaving.”

But it’s not that, he doesn’t understand. He won’t stay with her in bed, peppering her with good morning kisses and soft cuddles. He won’t go out with her to McDonalds at 2am and kiss her in the parking lot. He won’t go with her to prom or anything of that sort because that’s not _him_ , and it’s not his fault that he doesn’t feel like that for her, but… it hurts. Especially after a night like the last one with his lips against hers and his tongue on her skin. It hurts and she isn’t sure she can do that any longer.

“Bellamy, I can’t do this,” Clarke blurts out with wide eyes and sucks in a breath. The look she gets is worried, all furrowed brows and crinkled nose.

“What do you mean? If it’s about last -”

“No,” she shakes her head, getting out of bed to stand in front of him. “I can do _that_ , I want _last night_ again but not like that. I -” her words get stuck in her throat, too heavy and too big to get out. If she says it, nothing will be the same. These words could ruin everything she built in the last months.

“You what, Clarke?” Bellamy asks, gaze soft.

Her eyes lock on his and even though nothing in them tells her to be worried, she can’t help but shudder with anxiety. “I have feelings,” she finally says with her head moving. “That I don’t wanna have.” He raises a brow. “Feelings for you,” she adds.

He blinks.

“Don’t say anything, let me finish first,” Clarke tells him with a raised finger and a thundering heart. “I mean, I don’t want them because you don’t have them. At least, that’s what I think. You told me yourself you don’t do relationships, you’re not that guy and I get that, but... I want you, Bellamy and you don’t want me and it’s killing me so -” She lets out a sigh. “- I can’t pretend to be just a friend anymore. It sucks. I hate it. I don’t want to lose you either because you’re also my best friend and my person. I can tell you everything, that’s why I feel the way I feel about you, you know? So… feel free to interrupt me anytime to say something now.”

Bellamy opens his mouth, expression unreadable. “Clarke, I -”

All of a sudden the door opens and Jasper bursts in. “You guys, Wells just threw up in the living room!”

She sighs loudly because of fucking course this would get interrupted, but Clarke doesn’t want her ass kicked by her mom either so she forces herself to look away from Bellamy and follow Jasper to the crime scene. They can continue the conversation later, she tells herself. At least, that’s what she thinks because after helping Wells through his first hangover ever, taking care of Monty and Miller whose well being isn’t the best either and making a huge breakfast for the whole troop, she starts to wonder where the hell Bellamy is. When she looks for him in her room he isn’t there either, and with a sinking heart she realizes that he left.

Clarke got rejected on her fucking birthday, and not even through his words. He just ran.

>>>

It’s Wells who finds her in the backyard, watching the sunset and struggling to hold back long overdue tears. Clarke managed to press out a smile for her friends when they heckled her to wish her a happy birthday yet again. She managed to act happy during lunch with her mom, Raven, Octavia, and Wells who stayed, and she kept the facade texting ‘thank you’s to the people who congratulated her. One look from Wells though, and she finally breaks out in tears.

“Hey, hey, Clarkie,” he murmurs into her hair after wrapping her up in his arms and pressing her close. The stupid nickname would have usually made her giggle but right now it’s only making her choke on her tears. “What’s going on? What happened?” He lets her a few minutes of sobbing into his chest until Clarke’s body stops trembling with the force of her cries. “Better?”

“No,” she sniffles and rakes a hand through her curls, “but I’ll get there.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Perhaps it would make it a little bit easier to breathe, make her chest less heavy but the words don’t want to get out. She feels like a fool saying it out loud. “I - I don’t know.” Leaning her head against Well’s shoulders she allows herself some time to breathe properly. “I’m so stupid.”

“You’re a lot of things, Clarke but stupid is not one of them,” he says.

“But I am,” Clarke insists, wiping at her eyes. “I - I’m in love with Bellamy, Wells.”

Her friend seems unsurprised even though she always thought he would flabbergasted by this fact. _Clarke Griffin is into someone like Bellamy Blake? No way!_

“I figured,” Wells chuckles and runs a soothing hand across her back.

“You did?”

“Everyone kind of did, you two make it hard to miss.” _You two? Obviously it’s just her._ “And I’ve also known you since I was a toddler, Clarke. I know how it looks when you make heart eyes at someone.”

“He doesn’t feel the same.”

“What?” Wells’ brows are furrowed as he shoots her a confused look.

“Why else would I be here crying,” Clarke snaps and regrets it a second later. He’s not the one she should be mad at, it’s not his fault, it’s nobody’s really. People fall in love with people who don’t love them back all the time. That’s life. “Sorry,” her tired voice mumbles.

“Hey, a cuddling session and we weren’t invited?”

She turns around to find Raven and Octavia grinning but their faces fall when they see her. Her mascara is probably smeared all around her puffy, red rimmed eyes. Great.

“Clarke, what happened?” Octavia asks as she rushes to her and takes her hand into her own.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” the other girl wants to know, now standing in front of her with a livid face. “What did he do?”

“Wait, who is he?”

Raven gives Octavia a look, or to be more precisely _the look_ that could mean anything but appears to say enough that Octavia’s face goes from ‘Oh’ to ‘Ohhhh’. “Did my asshole of a brother do something?”

Overwhelmed by the amount of people seeing her cry, seeing her so vulnerable and knowing about her feelings makes her pulse go up. She hates talking about her feelings. “He didn’t do anything,” Clarke mutters, pressing out a tight smile. “He just disappeared after I -” The simple act of saying it makes her feel like the dumbest person on earth all over again. “- after I told him.”

According to his sister’s shocked expression this is the opposite of doing nothing. “He did what?”

“Bellamy left, okay,” she shrugs, suddenly feeling exhausted by the topic. “Obviously he doesn’t return my feelings. I’ll get over it -”

“I’m going to kick his ass so hard when I get home.”

“O’, please.” Her eyes are silently begging her to let it drop. “It’s not his fault I was so stupid to fall in love with him.”

“Clarke, it isn’t yours either,” Wells adds in a soft tone, but she glances over to him and nods firmly. Because it is. It’s her fault.

“He’s still a dick for leaving without saying something,” Raven insists. “It’s your birthday. He shouldn’t have done that.”

“Damn right he shouldn’t,” Octavia agrees.

“Guys,” Clarke’s voice is loud and clear when she speaks again. “I appreciate your… empathy regarding this subject but there’s nothing you can do. He doesn’t feel the same, I’ll get over it.” _Hopefully._ “I need some time for myself, I think.”

The two girls shoot her worried glances but nod anyway. “Of course,” Octavia says with a smile. “We’re here if you need us, you know that?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Thank you guys.”

There’s another five minutes of reassuring her friends that she’s fine, that she doesn’t need to eat ice cream and watch sad movies and that it’s not that big of a deal. Of course, it’s more than she allows to see through because Bellamy wasn’t just the guy she had a crush on. He was also her best friend. And now? Now she has no idea what he is. Maybe wasted potential of what they could have been and never will be like flowers who were picked before they could even bloom in spring. Maybe that’s all they’ll ever be.

Life has to go on even if she doesn’t feel like it. Prom is coming up in a week. Summer holidays are approaching. Her last year of school. Clarke just has to find a way to get through it without falling apart at the seams.

>>>

It’s 6pm. Two hours until prom which also means two hours to have a meltdown because of everything she still needs to do, and two hours to prepare herself to see people she doesn’t want to see. Or rather one person. Singular.

Clarke looks at herself in the mirror, she’s wearing a pink bathrobe, a bare face and her hair’s up in a messy bun, meaning she should really start getting ready because two hours is not enough to make herself presentable and go through several breakdowns. Simply not enough time. She really should have accepted Octavia’s offer to do her makeup and hair a few days ago, that way all of this would be easier. However Clarke was hellbent on doing it on her own in addition to dreading the conversation that would follow. _How are you doing? Do you want to cry on my shoulder? My brother is this, my brother is that._ The only reason why she’s actually going to prom is because she hopes the music will be too loud to have that conversation and the alcohol she’ll consume too strong to think straight.

Just when she’s about to pick up a primer for her face the doorbell rings, eliciting an annoyed groan from her. “Mom, I’m getting ready,” she yells from her bathroom, hinting to her mother to get the door. There is shuffling which suggests that it worked expect then...

“Honey, it’s for you!”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Clarke mutters under her breath as she hurries down the stairs. Why would anyone want to see her _now_? Perhaps it’s Octavia though, and she doesn’t know if that would be good or bad. Maybe both, she decides before she sees who is actually standing in her hallway. Surprise, it’s not Octavia.

It’s someone (possibly) worse.

“Bellamy?”

He lifts his gaze that was previously trained on the floor and looks at her, a soft expression settling on his face. “Clarke, hey.”

A thousand of things are going through her mind but she doesn’t let it show, instead crossing her arms in front of her chest and shooting him a hard look. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you,” he says, making her scoff in response.

“Wow, _you_ need to talk? I guess I can leave after that without saying a word as well?”

“I deserved that.” Bellamy rubs a hand over his face before taking a step closer and locking  eyes on her. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I really am. I never should have run away like that.”

Suddenly she feels the anger boiling in her chest drain away, leaving only bittersweet ache. Not because of his apology or his presence, but because of the fact that she was never angry in the first place, rather disappointed and hurt in both him and herself.

“Why did you?” she presses out with a dangerously wobbly voice. Fuck, why is she getting so emotional?

”‘Cause I’m stupid,” Bellamy says, shrugging and she doesn’t disagree. ”‘cause I’m fucked up in some ways you don’t understand, Clarke, but also - because I’m a coward. I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” she asks slowly.

“Of what you told me.” Her brows furrow. “And afraid of what it might mean.”

“I told you that I have feelings for you, Bellamy,” Clarke states with a gulp. “If you were afraid of things getting weird, then newsflash it already is. You could have just told me that you don’t feel the same, I would have accepted it. I -”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then _what_ are you talking about?”

She can see him take a deep breath and take another step closer, leaving not much space between them. It makes her brain go fuzzy. “Clarke, I’m basically raising my sister because as you may have noticed my mother is barely present in our lives. I mean, she lives in our house but we almost never see her since she’s either at work to afford our living or out with some junkie boyfriend of hers.”

“I have noticed,” she says carefully, arms falling to her sides. “I think it’s admirable that you two still manage everything that comes your way.”

“My mom’s history with our fathers -” he shakes his head with a sigh. “- I saw what they sometimes did to her and something in me broke, Clarke. I’ll probably never be able to fully trust someone except O’. I know what people can turn into once things start to go south, I _saw_ what they’re capable of.”

“What are you saying, Bellamy?”

“I’m saying I’d be dead weight in your life,” he says with a serious expression before it turns soft, almost tired. “But I also can’t pretend that I _don’t_ want you.”

Clarke almost chokes on air as the words rush through her mind and envelop her in a feeling of giddiness. “Say that again?”

“I fucking want you, Clarke,” Bellamy repeats with the shadow of a smirk playing on his lips. “I do feel the same about you, but I’m not sure you’ll still want me if you get to know me.”

Despite the desire to fucking kiss him because he feels the same and because she probably can, Clarke resists the urge and tries to convince him of the opposite. “I do already know you Bellamy. And the things that I saw? They’re the reason why I fell for you in the first place.”

“But -”

“Let me just say this first,” she interjects.. “I know your situation isn’t perfect, hell raising your sister as a kid does some shit to your head, but you know what? It also made you kind, compassionate. I see the way you love your sister, your friends, your family and you have such a big heart, Bellamy. You say that you will never be able to trust someone? Fine, I don’t expect you to tell me everything about your life or about yourself. I have things I don’t want to share as well, but maybe going through it together is easier than on your own. I want you the way you are, Bellamy. You’re not dead weight.”

“I don’t know how to... relationship,” he suddenly says and it makes her laugh.

“You know that I don’t exactly know either.” Clarke lifts her hands to cup his face. “We can figure it out together.”

“Are you sure you want someone like -” His gaze self-consciously wanders over himself before he looks at her with a frown again. “- someone like me?”

“I want you and nobody else,” she whispers, voice firm.

Instead of a response Bellamy closes the space between them, his lips landing on her in a soft, lingering kiss. She brings up her hands to draw him closer but the grin that appears on her face makes him draw back with the same expression. Although the slightly raised brow suggests that he’s still uncertain. Clarke gives him a wide smile, nodding before crushing her lips back on his in a more bruising, desperate way.

Kissing him feels so right, so natural after all this time and she feels like the butterflies flapping around in her stomach will burst out of her grinning mouth and into the world.

“I’m sorry for leaving,” he mumbles after pulling away, lips barely brushing hers. “Even if I had my reasons, it was still a shitty thing to do.”

Clarke nods with her eyes closed and a soft smile on her lips. “It’s okay, you’re here now.” Cupping her face he gives her a peck.

“I won’t go this time.”

“You’ll go to college,” she murmurs with a quirked brow.

“Yeah, to college in _Arkadia_ ,” Bellamy corrects her and she hums happily. He’s clearly feeling the same. He’s kissing her. He’s holding her, and this better not be a fucking dream because she is way too happy to wake up from it.

Eventually the clock on the wall catches her sight and she jerks up anxiously. “Fuck, I really need to get ready,” she huffs with a pout. “Look at me, I’m in a fucking bathrobe.”

“And I was never _so_ fucking attracted to a bathrobe with pink ducks on it,” he grins, fingers playing with the soft sash. Clarke leans her face against his chest, trying to hide her embarrassingly wide smile.

“I _really_ should get going,” she repeats, voice muffled against his shirt.

“I can help you, you know.” He waggles his brows suggestively and she rolls her eyes, still laughing.

“The only thing you’d do is distract me.”

“But you want that.”

“You’re right,” she nods before raising herself up on tiptoes and kissing him, slowly and just the way she had always imagined. It’s fucking hot and apparently Bellamy agrees since he lets out a small groan and pushes her against the wall behind her.

They manage to make it upstairs before her mother could catch sight of them, and continue to make out in her room until Clarke’s sexy bathrobe comes off and Bellamy is shirtless above her.

“Are you sure?”

She’s all too eager to nod, tangling her hands in his messy hair that she adores. “I am,” Clarke breathes before she lets out a small laugh. “Although I’m not sure now is the best time.”

“We can wait, y’know,” Bellamy smiles and gives her a kiss. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“I don’t think that can wait,” she points out, gesturing over to the not so discreet bulge in his pants with a smirk. “Octavia and Raven will forgive me if I come a bit late.”

That settles the argument.

It’s somewhat different this time around. Clarke feels more present when he goes down on her, more clear in her head and her orgasm lets her see stars behind her eyes. However she’s all worked up for him, nearly begging to get inside her and this way it doesn’t hurt as much as she expected it to. It’s still a bit strange at first, being filled up and having her walls stretched, but after a few moments of adjusting and finding the perfect rhythm Clarke starts to feel the desire building in her yet again until all she can do is hold on and urgently moan against his shoulder before they fall apart together.

>>>

“What took you so long?” Octavia barks when her eyes land on her, throwing her arms around her for a brief hug. “But damn, looking good, girl.”

“There was, um, a situation,” she lies, stifling a wide grin that wants to split on her face.

“Raven told me Bell’s late too. What is with you people,” Octavia mutters before she studies her face and raises a suspicious eyebrow. “Wait, why are smiling like that?”

“Me? I’m not smiling,” Clarke replies with a face that is supposed to look innocent.

“Yes, you are,” she says and points an accusing finger at her. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Before Octavia has the chance to find out the truth, a smack on her ass makes Clarke turn around and find Raven, smirking at her and looking all gorgeous with her hair falling around her shoulders in wave and a curve fitting red dress.

“You finally joined us.”

“As if I’d ever miss prom,” Clarke grins, a bit mocking. “Both of you look great by the way.”

“So do you.”

“Bellamy arrived too?” Octavia wants to know, arms crossed.

“Yeah,” Raven nods before her brows draw together. “But he was all happy and smiley. Really weird. I think he took drugs.” This, of course, only makes Octavia glare harder and shoot her a pointed look as she smiles widely and says, “Yeah, _really weird_.”

But she doesn’t press any further and the evening proceeds well. Clarke takes pictures of Raven and Luna, both of them slaying her existence, and gets sloppily drunk with her friends from rum they sneaked in in a flask. Murphy miraculously dances with a girl. Jasper makes a scene showing off his moves, that are definitely not good moves, and Clarke convinces Wells to ask Harper for a dance.

And then there’s of course Bellamy. He’s looking unfairly attractive in a white button up shirt with his sleeves rolled up, black pants and unbelievably messy hair. Clarke has to force herself not to jump into his arms and make out with him in front of the school every time they share secret glances. But they decided that they wanted to keep it to themselves at first, testing to see how it works out. So, not making out it is.

“Finally,” Bellamy mumbles against her cheek when they meet up in one of the classrooms that was unlocked. Acting normal around each other is hard, the desire to kiss him is even harder. She _had_ to be with him on their own. “I wanted to kiss you again ever since I dropped you off at the school.” His lips brush against her skin as he speaks, it tickles.

“Well, do it then,” she says and giggles when he crowds her against a table, kissing her. “You look hot, by the way.” He kisses her again, and she has to smile against his mouth. “So, so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” he asks after pulling slightly away.

“Uh-huh,” Clarke hums, giving him a peck on the lips.

“You too, princess.” His hand runs across her arm. “Words can’t describe how beautiful and hot you look right now. This dress -” he waves a hand over her. “- fucking killing me, Clarke.”

“Better than the bathrobe?” she asks with a smirk.

“Mhhh, I don’t know about _that_ but close I’d say.”

Suddenly the door bursts open and a screaming Octavia jumps in, mouth wide open with a contented expression on her face as she points a finger at them. “AHA!”

Bellamy spins around in shock, still standing between her thighs and pressed against her.

“I knew it!” His sister exclaims. “I knew it was weird that both of you were late today! I fucking called it!”

“You fucking called it,” Clarke nods, barely containing her amused smile. Bellamy smiles too, although he huffs out a laugh.

“You happy now, O’?”

“Yeah, I am,” she replies. “Thank you for asking. Now if you excuse me I have to tell Raven about this.”

Her brother turns around to Clarke, shooting her a lopsided grin. “She’s unbelievable.”

“She is,” Clarke giggles and lets her head drop against his shoulder. “I’m so happy, Bellamy.”

“Yeah, me too.” He’s silent for a moment, then. “So, you’re happy with the prom date I provided you with?”

She lifts her gaze at this, rolling her eyes because he’s stupid but also because he’s hers. “Very happy,” Clarke murmurs before giving him a soft kiss. “Do you remember any of my German lessons?” Bellamy frowns, amused. “Because _Ich Liebe Dich_.”

_I love you._

_x_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I'm not the biggest fan of happy ending so writing them always feels kind of weird to me BUT I still hope you guys enjoyed it! I'm endlessly grateful for all your comments and feedback, it's very nice to know that there are people out there enjoying what I write :)
> 
> On another note, here's to all the people out there like this Clarke! People who haven't had their first kiss yet or who have never been in a relationship or people who haven't had sex yet, this is for you guys. You are not any less worth because of it. Clarke may have found her love in this AU but that doesn't mean that she would have been any less happy if she hadn't. There is no perfect age to acquire these experiences. You don't have to acquire them at all, if that's not your thing. You're perfect just the way you are and I hope you all know that babes <3 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading guys <3 This is definitely not the last story I'm going to post, already working on the next one so if you want to stay updated leave a subscribe! OR, talk to me on tumblr which you can find down below lol

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, friend. You have no odea how much it would brighten a poor writing soul's day <3 Oh, and talk to me on [tumblr](http://iseeyoou.tumblr.com/)


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